Beckett's Choice
by sab6749
Summary: Takes place after Season 8X02. What if LOKSAT was taken out by an unexpected source? I don't own Castle; I just play with the characters. Revised Ending
1. Chapter 1

It was 6:13 PM on a Saturday evening as the Amtrak train was just pulling out of the Philadelphia's 30th Street Station on its slow journey north to Princeton and finally New York City. Kate Beckett was in the window seat facing forward trying to fight off the urge to zone out for the remainder of the trip. It had been just about eleven months since that fateful day she had decided to leave Castle and destroy the real nemesis of her life, the dragon known as LOKSAT. The idea of letting her guard down in public was a simple pleasure she could not afford for so long that she kept finding her trigger hand gravitating towards her oversized purse where her private piece was always at the ready. That was unnecessary now, but it would take some time for those old habits to die away. For those who kept up on such things, the vacation was no surprise given all that had transpired in both her professional and personal life.

Her learning curve upon accepting the appointment as captain of the twelfth precinct was much steeper than she anticipated, and that experience had led to a new appreciation for all the fine work Iron Gates had done before her. Gates was an excellent organizer who seemed to have an uncanny knack of knowing what 1PP wanted often before they could verbalize it themselves. That skill set her apart from most of the her counterparts, and it was just a matter of time before the right opening came along for her to demonstrate those skills on a broader stage. From Kate's perspective, Gate's place at 1PP was a godsend. Kate was grateful that Gates considered her a protégé and often provided a neutral sounding board when controversial decisions needed to be made.

While the issues at the precinct were always on her mind, the other big distraction was the total chaos in her relationship with Castle. Her rash decision to walk out was stupid, naïve, and arrogant on so many levels. She had hoped that her abrupt departure would result in the least emotional baggage for them both. Like ripping a bandage off, she thought the initial intense pain would dissipate with time. That was not to be.

Almost immediately, Castle swung into action with a bizarre plan that required him to interact with her as much as possible at work just like he had done early on in their partnership. Using his inside friendships at the precinct and his new PI business, he created ever more outlandish reasons to be in her line of sight during working hours. At first all the staff accommodated his wild excuses, but soon many were losing patience and respect for a man they used to think of as one of their own. Kate, unfortunately, had a front row seat to watch as the warm friendly greetings turned into ridicule for this wonderful man.

Finally when Ryan, Espo, and LT had joined the rest, she had had enough and brought Castle into her office. The conversation was short and not at all pleasant. With her command face fully screwed on, she made it clear that the separation she had instituted meant exactly that, and he was no longer welcome in the bullpen unless someone at the precinct invited him. There were to be no exceptions, and if he tried any further stunts, she would ban him from the entire precinct. When she finished, it was like all the light had gone out in those beautiful blue eyes she so much enjoyed. He offered no rebuttal and left abruptly without any farewell to the staff.

After leaving the loft, her first plan was to temporarily crash in her office and commandeer any empty storage closet for her few belongings. What she didn't realize was that there were no empty closets just waiting to be filled up. That meant she had to work with the cleaning service personnel, and of course, they wanted a credible explanation which promptly found its way on to the ever present rumor mill. In addition, trying to hide living out of your office from a group of trained detectives was probably hopeless from the start. Karpowski, Espo, Ryan, LT, and Lanie all picked up on the new sleeping arrangements almost immediately. Each tried to broach the elephant in the room, and all were rebuffed with the same vague assurances about an explanation down the road. News of these cold encounters spread throughout the precinct, and most opted to avoid any unnecessary interaction with their new captain.

Luckily, her friend Maddie had called for a girl's lunch, and Kate just unloaded on her about the split from Castle, her estrangement from her work colleagues, and finally her untenable living situation. Maddie knew the first two would require a face-to-face meeting, but the third was something she could help with right away. Within three days of the call, Kate was previewing a third floor furnished place near the precinct that was owned by a friend of a friend who was willing to consider a month-to-month lease for an indefinite period. The place was clean, but the furnishings would make Castle blush. The bed and the tub, the two most important features for her, were a poor substitute for what she left behind, but she saw that as a plus. Every night coming home to this would be another painful reminder of what she had lost and what she hoped to recover once LOKSAT was finally vanquished.

As the train left Princeton, heading for its final destination, she could definitely understand how all of her acquaintances including Castle had thought nothing of her suddenly announced ten day vacation to visit both Washington DC and Williamsburg, Virginia. Yes, that part of the LOCKSAT elimination plan had worked exactly as intended, but it was also so brilliantly devious that she shuddered at the righteous symmetry of it all.


	2. Chapter 2

When Becket finally got back to her apartment which she nicknamed the crater, she immediately powered up her burner phone hoping Vikram had destroyed all remnants of his LOKSAT files. Ah, yes, Vikram, the man who started it all with that fateful call on the first day of her captaincy. That first call told her two things. Most of her old team was dead, and the probable trigger was her odd query about LOKSAT in the context of her mother's murder. Within a matter of days she and Castle were being shot at, and Rita, of all people, had inexplicably come out of nowhere to save the day and warn her off any further dealings with LOKSAT.

How foolish she had been to even consider that her solo investigative skills were up to the task of unmasking a man so brutal and covert, but that's what happens when you fall down the rabbit hole without your plucky sidekick. Up until now, Castle had been on the periphery of real harm from the local bad guys, but this new adversary saw things very differently. This opponent assumed that both were on the same page, and each qualified as a loose end subject to the same grim fate. That understanding prompted much of their last fight where he argued for them to work together slowly, while she wanted him safely out of harm's way as she alone took on this most dangerous threat.

After the initial violence mysteriously subsided, her life became a blur of work at the precinct, her private investigation, and fitful periods of sleep at the crater. The problem was her solo investigation was going nowhere, and she knew she needed help. That led to a series of late night calls with Vikram. Both had complimentary reasons for wanting to uncover LOKSAT, and alone, each was struggling to find anything that tied their target to either Johanna's death or the brutal executions of their old AG team.

Much to her surprise, that's when providence suddenly smiled on their clandestine endeavor. Back at the 12th, Torrie had been an up and coming IT liaison, and all the divisions were clamoring for her undivided attention. That stellar reputation eventually found its way down to 1PP, and an offer to work for the Cyber Command soon followed. It was a well deserved step for her, but the vacancy created an opportunity that both Beckett and Vikram knew they should exploit. When his application arrived, she dutifully disclosed their former partnership knowing that Gates would certainly listen to her input before any final decision was made.

What HR and IT did not know was that the night before his full day interview Vikram spent hours at the crater where she prepped him with all the right answers he would need to impress the interview panel. As expected, he aced the interview, and his name was among the three finalist the HR representative, and the IT liaison would be presenting to both she and Assistant Chief Gates. At the meeting, the HR representative presented an objective rundown of each candidate's credentials, and then Kate got to say her peace. The speech that followed was well rehearsed and made Vikram her clear choice. Gates was sympathetic to her reasoning, and the right decision soon followed.

Once he was on board, no one took notice of her weekly private meetings with him to supposedly get feedback about his orientation process. The meetings served three different purposes. First, using his technical skill, he had purchased a rather sophisticated bug detector that he activated just as the meeting started. While scanning, they would discuss his workload and any problems he was having. Provided the bug detector remained silent, they would then plunge into the latest news and suggestions on the LOKSAT front. When the weekly meetings were over, the detector was safely in her purse for her own sweep of the crater later that night.

Because of his prior work with the Fed's internal databases, he was a quick study when it came to the security protocols utilized by the NYPD to thwart unwanted intrusions by outside hackers. After less than a month with some tools from the dark web, he was regular accessing confidential law enforcement databases with untraceable queries. The problem was that none of this fancy footwork and her careful analysis was leading anywhere. Whoever LOKSAT was, they had perfected a comprehensive cover that would make any number of three letter agencies proud. These repeated dead ends took their toll on their initial enthusiasm, and the weekly meetings starting getting testier with barbs flowing across both sides of her desk.

This was the state of affairs on that fateful night when on her way back to the crater, she was purposefully bumped into by Rita. As they disengaged Beckett felt a hand definitely leaving her left front coat pocket amidst a gruff barely audible apology. When she returned to the crater, she pulled out the note and was told to head to a certain address. Once there, she was to round the block twice, and if there was no sign of Rita, she was to hit the buzzer for apartment four-thirteen. If Rita did appear, she was to return home and await new rendezvous instructions. With no sign of Rita, she buzzed the apartment and took the stairs to apartment four-thirteen. When the door swung open, there on the opposite side was a gaunt and rumpled looking Jackson Hunt staring right back at her.

If the unvarnished truth LOKSAT is ever told, that night will surely be heralded as the beginning of the end, and Kate's train ride back from DC was the final act in a masterful plan to insure that she and all her family were beyond suspicion when the inevitable recriminations after LOKSAT's untimely and brutal death.


	3. Chapter 3

"Well, well, well, Kate – long time no see. Sorry about all the cloak and dagger stuff – old habits that keep us alive."

"Could say the same about you, Jackson?

Before he could respond, Rita shoved her way past the closing door and removed her jacket revealing a pair of shiny handguns. Whatever she was guarding against, she was definitely packing plenty of firepower. After securing the door, Hunt motioned them all towards a table in the middle of the room with a bottle of scotch and 3 rather larger tumblers. "I heard from Rick's liquor store that he buys this brand because of you. Couldn't resist giving it a try - especially with you here and all?"

Kate sat down and watched as Hunt poured three generous servings into the glasses. The volume of the pour told her this was not going to be a short chit-chat, and she was thankful for her legendary ability to resist its effects. "Before we begin I need to get a couple of background points across. One should relieve you, and the other – well, we'll see. Regarding your recent little dust-up with LOCKSAT, we were able to identify the team chasing you. They are very good at what they do, and they don't miss unless they were told to. We now think the purpose was to demonstrate their willingness to harm Castle. LOCSAT apparently thinks you might opt out of this hunt if the stakes are high enough. Killing an NYPD Captain and her celebrity husband is not the best option if you want to maintain a low profile. Provided you stop; we think a cautious truce will take hold. Problem is you have no intention of stopping. Do you?"

"I can't, and you know that just as well as I do", Kate responded. "He had my mother and most of my old AG team killed and might take out your son and granddaughter as well. I love them too much to sit idly by waiting for him to capriciously decide that the duly warned are now loose ends needing a quick end. It won't be his call if I get to him first."

Rita could hold back no longer and said, "Do you really think you and that computer geek are any match for this guy? Are you expecting some type of miracle evidence to fall from the sky like the Bracken tape? Can't you ever leave well enough alone and enjoy your life with Castle?"

Before Kate could form a rebuttal, Hunt went off in another direction entirely. "The other point you need to know is that my time on this earth now has an expiration date. The doctors give me less than a year, and that profound news has forced some unusual introspection on my part. As you know I don't have a lot to be proud of in my line of work, and my son has grown up very much without me. Your little relationship hiatus is taking a toll on him, and he is back in a dark place regarding his own self-worth once again."

"Anyway, your problem, his problem, and my short timer status seem to have created something of a unique opportunity to destroy your devil, restore my son's happiness, and perhaps go to my grave knowing I stood up for my son at least once. My idea is quite simple. We will find LOKSAT, create what we call an indictment for you to hear, and then, if you approve, I will take him out all while providing you and your family with an airtight alibi from the inevitable recriminations that are sure to follow."

Kate was stunned by this medical news and astonished by the unexpected audacity of the offer on the table. "Jackson, I am really sorry about your condition, but are you sure you want to spend whatever time you have left looking for a ghost who is this ruthless?"

"Kate, this is not our first rodeo, and we have sources often unknown to law enforcement. We already identified the team that attacked you, and we are confident that the kingpin can be flushed out with some additional clandestine detective work."

"Of course, there are conditions for us to enter the fray, and you must accept all of these unconditionally. First and foremost, you must never divulge any of this to Rick or anyone else – no matter the circumstances. To keep this little caper as compartmentalized as possible, the information we share will definitely be more opaque than you might like. What you don't know, you cannot foolishly blab or confess under duress. Second, you have to promise to make Rick the main priority in your life. Lastly, you need to unwind your side investigation in a way that looks like you are accepting his olive branch."

After that clear ultimatum, he slid what looked like a regular cheap tourist post card of the Statue of Liberty with a mailing address somewhere in Casper, Wyoming over to her side of the table and said, "If you want this plan to go forward mail this within one week. After that all communication with us will be much like what happened tonight with zero paperwork to incriminate any of us down the road."

Needless to say, Kate was surprised and intrigued by the horrible news and the cagey offer. In truth she and Vikram were not getting very far, and Rick was not going to let this go on much longer without forcing her to make an awful choice. She carefully screwed on her best poker face as she rose from the table about to head for the door. Before she could take a step, Rita tugged at her arm, and said, "I need to go first just in case. Wait 5 minutes and then leisurely walk home using another route. Like you said, LOKSAT might have a change of heart at any time."

After she left, Jackson casually inquired about Castle, Martha, and Alexis like he was just back from a long vacation. She informed him that the separation was slowly sapping all of Castle's personality. He was withdrawn and probably drinking more than he should down in the basement of the Old Haunt. He had cut back on his writing and religiously followed her edict to stay away from the precinct. Without her, he had fallen back into old habits looking for the next shiny thing to distract him from the painful separation she had caused.

Hunt listened intently and said, "Families are funny things. Aren't they?"

"Yes they are", Beckett replied. "There isn't a day that goes by that I don't question what I am doing. I hardly ever see him; it sucks."

After the five minutes was up, Kate dutifully left following a different route back to the crater. On the way home she had much to consider. Vikram and she were both losing confidence in their ability to unmask their target. The idea of having someone with resources well beyond her own take over was perhaps the best outcome she could hope for. On the home front, the separation was taking an unexpected toll even with Castle's Room 147 Protocol. This alternative could make a world of difference in so many ways.


	4. Chapter 4

Ah yes, the Room 147 Protocol – it had come about because of a chance hookup, a passive attitude on her part, Rick's love of research, and of course, a friend of a friend. One day shortly after taking up residence at the crater, she decided to visit the loft to retrieve more of her clothing, and of course, foolishly didn't clear her arrival with Edwardo to insure no unpleasantness with the rest of the Castles.

When her keys hit the foyer table platter, she immediately heard sounds from his office and knew the short visit she had envisioned was not going to happen. She was expecting a rehash of the argument they had been having since she left, and this is indeed how it all started. As each made their claims and counter claims, they became quite animated, and soon, fingers, hands and arms were all touching randomly. That ignited their uncanny sexual chemistry, and like many chemical reactions, once started, it could not be contained. In seconds Castle was pulling her in, and she wasn't resisting. The initial kiss was deep and long overdue. It only ended with the need for air, and he immediately led her to that wonderful bed that she missed so much. Soon, belts, buttons, zippers, and clasps were expeditiously undone as all manner of cotton, poly, wool, and silk became an impediment to their mutual desire.

With nothing between them, he carefully laid her down on the bed and his tongue began at her collarbone and worked languidly south over each nipple. Kate was too caught up in the lust of the moment to remember how good he was at slow arousing foreplay. When the initial and inevitable first plunge came, she was more than fully accommodating. After that her hormones took over, and she was lost in lustful bliss like everything was back to normal. Still wrapped in coital bliss, Castle said, "We need to do this more often. Couldn't it be like a time out from whatever it is we are doing now? No LOKSAT, no family, no PI stuff, no precinct stuff – just us enjoying us?"

Beckett's stern reply was immediate, "If we are this obvious, you know who might see you back in the mix. If something happened to you, I could never live with myself."

Castle contemplated her flat rejection and offered a new tact. "What if it was secret rendezvous that only you could initiate? It could be the only fun thing we do all week. How about I do some research?" Whether it was the sex, the companionship, or just plain weariness from the stress of her secret investigation or her new job, Kate offered no rebuttal, and Castle was off to the races.

After checking with his author friends, he quickly found himself in the lounge of a boutique hotel with the owner manager listening rather intently. After Castle inquired about how confidential assignations might be arranged, the proprietor nonchalantly offered both a day and evening plan. Within seconds Castle knew this wasn't some hypothetical exercise, but rather drawn from much experience. The day plan was scheduled roughly around the lunch hour and much preferred by the owner because the room could be rented twice. The night plan was like a regular rental, and one could stay until the usual AM checkout time. Most left sometime around the closing of the restaurant around 10:00PM and were safely wherever with whomever for the remainder of the night. Scheduling, access, and payment were all setup through a direct line to the concierge. All you needed to do was discreetly pick up an envelope from a shift manager well paid to know the name from the face in front of them.

Castle loved both the intrigue and the simplicity of the plan and immediately called Kate to arrange a meet. She chose to have him come to the precinct where the meeting would be supposedly about how to deal with the continuing separation. Castle arrived just as Vikram was leaving from his weekly meeting and outlined the whole process in just a few minutes. Kate was surprised by the mundane audacity of the whole plan. Free enterprise was certainly creative when faced with filling an illicit need. Castle even christened the whole thing after one of their past cases involving a murder in a hotel room with a host of mystery suspects.

Her one concern was LOKSAT tails that might notice the pattern, and Castle had already thought of that. They were both already well aware of their surroundings for obvious reasons, and he suggested some roundabout subway fares to flush out any prying eyes. With that settled, all that was needed was some sign of her willingness via an agreed code. They agreed that a shade at the crater would be her code, and all Castle had to do was walk within sight of her building on the day in question, and all would be arranged for the following evening.

For the first couple of weeks, Kate was torn about using the code. However, the unending barrage of paperwork from 1PP and her continuing failure to uncover anything on the LOKSAT front finally weakened her resolve. The shade was moved, the date was set, and everything went much better than she hoped. What could be better than 2 rounds with him in a fancy comfortable bed with great snacks and her favorite wine for diversions? At the outset, Kate thought this would be a one-time thing, but that was not to be.


	5. Chapter 5

When she got to work the following morning, she was bleary eyed and in much need of multiple caffeine fixes to keep functioning. The meeting the night before left her much to think about, and restful sleep was not part of the night's agenda.

Luckily, the precinct could practically run itself, and she was grateful that all of Gate's direct reports opted to stay when she took on the lead role. The big issue of the week was a disagreement about the needs of one of her best divisions – robbery. It was run by of all people - Tom Demming, and that made everything awkward. Although she had tried to keep their brief relationship under wraps, it was pure folly to think that a bunch of cops would not notice and gossip accordingly. At first she had opted to hold group meetings with all her direct reports, and that kept conversations with Tom professional.

However, as a lack of manpower in his division became an issue, he started having contentious solo meetings with her where nasty barbs were flying both ways across her desk. She knew his leadership was largely responsible for the glowing statistics she could not deny. What she did not like was his rather overt insinuation that their past relationship negatively impacted her receptiveness to his resource arguments. Her usual budget woes excuse fell short when he pointed out her recent approval of adds to the homicide group. The decision meeting happened that first afternoon after her little dust up with Hunt and Rita. She was determined to take a conciliatory tone, and it worked. By the end of the meeting the friction was gone, and he got the manpower he wanted. As he left, Tom said, "Thanks for this, Captain; I owe you one." Little did she realize then, just how helpful that gesture would be down the road.

That night she went over all the paperwork she and Vikram had accumulated on the LOKSAT front, and none of it left her optimistic about their weekly meeting scheduled for the next afternoon. She was now openly skeptical that her vaunted detective skills were up to the task of finding someone this well hidden. Even with Vikram's dark web help, they really had no solid leads. In hindsight, she had underestimated how much Castle's odd take on things really helped lead them down the right path.

Their meeting the next day started with the usual security sweep while they discussed his NYPD projects. After that, they got down to the real agenda, and each voiced their frustrations with what had been accomplished. Vikram was quite forthright saying, "This guy is good – perhaps too good for us. We are blindly grabbing at straws, and that is when mistakes happen. I want them to pay just as much as you do, but they will not hesitate to off us if they detect anything. The complexity of this is getting beyond my expertise." Beckett could not argue with his logic and openly wondered if the joint FBI/AG team was hitting the same wall. Vikram offered to check with his old contacts at the AG office and report any gossip later that day. The news from DC was not encouraging. The agent in charge was screaming for leads, while the team charged with the investigation was trying to look busy with no real plan on how to proceed. The problem was no one wanted to admit failure in a case where agents died. That stench would doom the career of everyone involved.

That evening on her way home she took the post card from her purse and deposited it in a mailbox. There was really no other alternative unless she wanted to persevere with the frustration and loneliness brought on by her now rather foolish earlier decisions. Whoever LOKSAT was; he was a master of concealment. In the quest to uncover his identity, she and Vikram were pitifully outmatched. However, Jackson and Rita were another story entirely. Finding and taking out concealed targets was a way of life for them. It was the perfect solution she could no longer ignore.

With that settled, she turned her attention to formulating a plan for unwinding the investigation that left Vickram with no lingering suspicions about her alternative solution. That process began the following week at their usual weekly meeting. After a quick update on his precinct projects, she began a long diatribe about the status of their investigation and a realistic overview of what they were up against. All their work so far had simply proven who he was not. Hints and hopes were hardly leads. After that rather forlorn assessment, she shifted to her separation from Castle and the toll it was taking. If this went on much longer, she was sure Castle would reach a breaking point. If it came to that, she would have to choose either continuing this uncertain frustrating investigation or loosing her supposed one-and-done. The rabbit hole fostered by her own need for justice was familiar, but life with Castle offered so much more. It was time to put an end to this once and for all.

For his part, Vikram was torn between frustration, vengeance, and self-preservation. "We are no further along than when we started. This guy needs to be found, but we lack the proper resources. If the FBI has nothing, how do we expect to do better? The only real option is to stop fooling ourselves and shut this down before our efforts are discovered." With both echoing each other's sentiments, it was agreed to suspend all their efforts and begin to discreetly destroy the paper and cyber trail they had already accumulated.


	6. Chapter 6

The setup for the next meeting with Hunt was unexpected and surreptitiously carried out. She had arrived at her usual morning coffee shop before heading to the precinct when Rita walked in and got in the same barista line just a couple of customers behind her. After purchasing her drink, she moved to the liquid additive bar to add her usual sugar free vanilla, and that's when she felt an outside a violation of her outside pocket like before. She immediately left the shop and retrieved the message. The meeting would take place two days hence in a different apartment in a different building between 6:00PM and 7:00PM. Kate could barely contain her glee at the prospect of finally unmasking her nemesis.

When she arrived, Hunt ushered her into a room that was setup just like the one before with a worn table, three chairs, a bottle of scotch, and three large beverage glasses. Hunt noticed that she eyed the bottle and said, "Your taste in scotch is much like mine, and I just couldn't resist another indulgence." As she was about to discard her coat, Rita came in displaying her extra hardware. Kate couldn't help but wonder just how good her mother-in-law might be in a confrontation. She doubted Jackson would be with anyone who was not as cunning and lethal as he was.

After filling each glass quite generously, Hunt opened the discussion by saying, "This guy is very good, but in the end we are better. He is a former grade school chum of the late senator and somehow in his misspent youth met up with the likes of Vulcan Simmons in his hoodlum period. He was directly recruited by the agency out of college and trained all around the world by some of the best including some we know."

"He had remarkable knack for organization, and he cut his teeth as a courier in both Asia and Europe before being assigned to an embassy in one of the Pacific Rim countries. That's where he got an insider's view of the drug trade, the institutional corruption, the violence, and the obscene profits waiting to be had. Soon, his real job became a side job, and they offered him a simple choice - in with us or out with them. After a few years cultivating his suppliers, he had developed a vast supply chain, and shady former agency contacts gladly cooperated to built his delivery system. Add that to the well-oiled local distribution network already running under his old pal, Vulcan Simmonds, and a clandestine billionaire is born."

"All this was working great when our boy and Bracken got reacquainted. Bracken had a slew of dirty cops at his disposal, and the question was why not turn that into a snitch opportunity whereby competing suppliers are rounded up and his product fills the gap. That collaboration was humming right along when the unintended murder of Bob Armen created a bit of a stir. That's when your mother started to nose around, and LOCKSAT couldn't have that because talkative cops would lead directly to his operation. Your mother's prying was a loose end, and you have been living with the results ever since. Then, your naïve query at the FBI caught his attention, and he responded with violence. Right now there appears to be a pause to see if his attempts to dissuade you have lessened your zeal to continue the fight."

Kate was still considering her reaction and wondered how many times Hunt and or Rita had given similar unemotional briefings like this before. With her main question still unanswered, she commented, "This is a nice walk down memory lane, but who is this guy, where he is now, and how do you propose to take him out?"

Hunt took a long sip from his glass, and said, "Knowledge of his name and whereabouts are a call you don't get to make. He is currently in semi-retirement in a country with no US extradition treaty. He has three rings of security around him most of the time. The grounds and the mansion each have state of the art security systems, and he employs a body team 24/7. Rita will disable the two systems. We will both take out the security team, and I alone will finish the job."

"For your part, you need to opt for a short vacation to DC to understandably decompress from your job and Castle. It will be warm this time of year, and I expect you to pack some colorful clothing for all the cameras to document your every move. You're a cop, and you need to be just familiar enough with the surveillance video to cross your name off any suspect list."

Kate interrupted and said, "How will I know when the deed is done?"

"You will get an unwanted solicitation call from a bank offering you a weird interest rate on all your balance transfers. You will dismiss the call like we all do knowing that the deed has been done. After that the recriminations within his organization will begin, and there is an off chance you will be interrogated. If that happens, the less you know - the better." The following day she announced the dates of her impending vacation starting on Wednesday of the following week. She opted for AMTRACK to and from DC rather than endure the congestion of four hour road trip on her Harley. The weather cooperated for the trip, and as instructed, she wore lots of provocative outfits for the cameras. The ride back home on the train was uneventful except for the call that came somewhere north of Wilmington.

For Hunt and Rita, the operation went off flawlessly. The only remarkable thing was the aghast look on LOKSAT's face when Hunt unveiled a picture of Johanna Becket just before firing the kill shot. The resulting blood pool confirmed that he would bleed out in seconds, and Hunt was not remorseful about the life he had just taken.

The next week was full of catchup work and lengthy consideration of how to end her separation from Castle. The former was just a matter of putting in the time; the latter needed lots more thought. On her way home on Friday night she looked forward to her weekend off when the sudden prick of a needle stopped everything.


	7. Chapter 7

AUTHOR'S NOTE –

**This chapter has some mild torture much like in the show. If that's not for you, skip it.**

When she awoke, she found herself sitting in some sort of anchored chair with her hands, arms, legs, and mid-rift constrained against a very cold metal surfaces. As she came to, she realized that some sort of pungent chemical smell lingered in the air like she had been purposefully brought around by whoever was in charge. The immediate concern was that her eyesight was totally blocked although her nose and mouth seemed unrestrained. From what she could feel, she was still fully clothed except for her coat and heels, and the contraption blocking her vision was more like a helmet with a taut chin strap than a mask.

Within seconds of trying to adjust to her surroundings, a male voice from in front said, "Welcome Captain Beckett. Sorry for the intrusion into your weekend, but it couldn't be helped. We are here to evaluate your knowledge of certain recent events that have disturbed my client. We are a niche business that specializes in assessing a person's truthfulness. We always hope our subjects will cooperate, but we are fully prepared to use other more unpleasant means if they prove recalcitrant."

Kate chose to take an indignant authoritative tone , and said, "Do you understand who I am and the hell the NYPD will unleash to find me. This needs to end now; you need to release me and walk away now!"

"Unfortunately, that can't happen", the voice responded. "As for your threats, our methods have insured us that there is no video record of your abduction, and you have alienated all your precinct friends who used to keep tabs on you. I doubt anyone will really miss you until Monday, and by then, we will have all we need one way or the other." With her bluster firmly rejected, Kate understood her helplessness and steeled herself for what was sure to be an unpleasant time together.

After a short pause, the questions started about her mother's murder, Senator Bracken, and finally LOKSAT. Since she surmised that they were well briefed on her mother and the late senator, she embellished every answer hoping to forestall whatever unpleasantness they had in mind. When they got to LOKSAT she admitted knowing the name and volunteered little else. That's when her interrogator got louder, and the evil purpose of the helmet became readily apparent.

Unbeknownst to her, she was sitting in very close proximity of a large vessel of water and her face was soon testing its depths. She surmised that an accomplice was using what felt like a grip on the top of the helmet to contort her whole upper torso towards the vessel anyway he wanted. Her neck muscles were no match for the superior leverage provided by the grip, and her exposed face hit the liquid with such force that torrents splashed down on her unshod feet. After her third submersion, her interrogator was screaming accusations, and she was spitting out denials laced with epithets whenever breath allowed.

The frightening process continued until she heard footsteps and a door shut. By now every sense was on alert. The priority was to regain her breathing pattern and prepare yourself for far worse immersions to come. As her breathing eased, she found herself drenched from the thrashing of her head trying to escape from the strong hand guiding the helmet. The good news was she had survived a similar experience with Vulcan Simmons, but the bad news was she had no idea how long she could realistically hold out.

Those thoughts vanished when the door opened. Now a new voice began the interrogation, while a much more ruthless hand grabbed the grip. At first the questions and accusations were just a blur while she concentrated on the only important thing – air. The dunkings were now longer and much more violent with the helmet being pushed and pulled to different depths within the tank. Finally, the inquisitor asked about Castle's involvement, and she saw her opportunity to avoid the water by launching into a long monologue about her husband's disdain for all things LOKSAT. It was her hope to paint him as a disinterested party while at the same time allowing her precious moments to regulate her breathing. Her foes were not interested for long, and her repeated declarations of ignorance were met with even longer immersions. In one last ploy to evade the water, she told them of her foolish arrogance ever thinking she was a match for LOKSAT. They listened to her sorry tale and promptly resumed the immersions when the script didn't offer any real revalations.

She had left work Friday evening and now had no idea what day it was or how long she had been in this room. She knew from her own experience that interrogators often take numerous runs at the subject in the hopes of breaking the string of denials. These guys were pros, and she lost track of the number of times the door opened and shut for new rounds of questions and dunking. By the end she was crying, screaming, and swearing whenever breath would allow, but she never wavered from shouting her total ignorance regarding LOKSAT. She was still vehemently espousing her denials when she once again felt the prick of needle in her exposed neck.

Like most Sunday mornings, Rita and Hunt were sitting on their veranda when his burner phone started to buzz. "Hi Dad - the knockdown drug and the visual obstruction device all worked perfectly. She has no idea who we are, where she was held, or what LOKSAT faction wanted her interrogated."

Hunt replied, "That is great news. Are you sure your little act with your brother was convincing?"

"Dad, you trained us. She was scared shitless, but didn't budge from the whole ignorance routine. By the time we called it quits, she was an hysterical mess trying to avoid the water. She couldn't fake that; I am sure of it."

"OK, I will make sure her snatch and release gets out to all the various factions now fighting among themselves. All will think the other did it and leave her out of the coming bloodbath. Where is she now?"

"She has been left right where you wanted, and the drugs should wear off in about an hour. Little brother is watching the scene from afar to make sure no one disturbs her natural return to consciousness."


	8. Chapter 8

When she awoke, she was groggy, but gleeful that the helmet was off and her eyesight was restored. After a quick check of her person, she found she was unbound and apparently lying outside on her coat. Her undisturbed purse was nearby, and the only thing obviously missing was her heels. As she maneuvered to right herself, the lack of footwear left her very unsteady on the rough ground. A look around told her she was in a dead end alley, and she carefully plodded to the nearby street in what she assumed was the dusk of the early morning.

With no signs of life anywhere, she carefully tiptoed to the next intersection and saw an idle cab parked farther down the side street. She hobbled her way close enough to yell out, and the driver was oblivious to the barefoot status of his fare. On the way to the crater, she learned it was Sunday around nine in the morning, and that meant she was missing for about thirty-six hours. In that time a lot of bad things had happened, but the key was she was now free. That could only mean her captives bought her story, and that pleasant appraisal overwhelmed any discomfort coming from her aching feet.

Once in her apartment she removed most of her clothing and noticed that except for her face, hair, wrists, and ankles, there were no outward signs of her ordeal. That led to an early call to her usual salon and an afternoon appointment for a facial and cut that would put most visible things right. At the salon, the person charged with prepping her was surprised by how jumpy she was. Kate dismissed her concerns, but was noticeably unsettled when the water for the shampoo cascaded through her hair. On her way home, she purchased some baggy long sleeve shirts and very black hose that would pretty much hide any residual marks.

When she went to work the next day, nothing looked out of place as she took one last look in the mirror. Her first appointment was with Tom Demming, and she thought that would be nothing special. When he arrived, he brought a tablet, and that was unusual. In short order, he explained that one of his robbery colleagues had found this in the course of another investigation on a street camera from Sunday. The grainy image was clearly her barefoot jumping into a cab looking none too tidy. Beckett was shocked by the image in front of her, and replied, "I went out to a bar Saturday night, and my customary wooden leg failed me. I found myself past out. It happens and is none of your concern. My life isn't a bed of roses right now; you know that."

Tom wasn't buying it, and said, "Kate, something happened Saturday. Do you need to talk about it. You know I am right, so cut the crap."

"Tom, in order to have a crime, you need a victim. I am not a victim; I am a casualty of my own foolishness. Just drop this and tell your guys to do the same. Nothing happened."

"Kate, this makes no sense. Talk to Castle or Lanie?"

"Tom, you promised me a favor once, and I guess this is it. Get your guys to bury this. The last thing I need is more precinct gossip about my messed up personal life. Please!" As he got up to leave, Tom reluctantly agreed to her request, but his respect for his captain took an irrevocable hit.

That night back at the crater she was contemplating how to tell Castle and restore their relationship. This had always been the goal, but her promise to Hunt made the mechanics nearly impossible. Castle was all about the story, and she had none to offer for a thing so important that she had deliberately shut him out. No scenario she could conjure was going to avoid a huge fight about the one thing she knew could break them – trust. Could his love survive the lack of clarity she would be offering? That very real possibility forced her to consider a bleak future without Castle. What then? Her job was not what she hoped. She was a hunter far better suited to the rush of the chase than moving endless paper through the bureaucratic maze. Even with her recent negative experience, she was intrigued by her brief encounter with the spy game. The secrecy, skill, and unfettered ability to act felt thrilling, while everything with Castle was emotionally taxing.

With none of these thoughts offering her any solace, she decided to call and have her curtains cleaned. The next evening she arrived at the crater and found Rita sitting on the dingy sofa. Kate acknowledged her unexpected visitor and said, "I didn't expect you so soon."

"My specialty is locks and security systems, and yours were a piece of cake. I took the liberty of doing a bug sweep, and we do need to talk. Jackson has passed. Yours was his last job. His few friends at the agency gave him a modest sendoff."

"God, Rita, how are taking it? I guess it was expected, but you are never fully prepared."

"That's true Kate, but life goes on. He would not want me to mope."

With that news still sinking in, Kate informed her about her little run in with the water and her joyous release. Rita listened, but surprisingly offered little comment about her ordeal. "Rita, my promise of silence to Jackson is a real problem. Keeping the LOCKSAT thing secret from Rick is going kill us. He is all about the story, and anything else just won't pass muster. Jackson wanted me back with him, but denying him this, could be the wedge that breaks us."

"Kate - that is not an option. Lives including yours and mine depend on this going no further. That was the deal, and you need to live by it regardless of your new qualms. If you lose Rick as a consequence would that really be so bad?"

"What do you mean?"

"Are you really cut out for a white picket fence and motherhood? Up until Castle, you spent most of your adult life hunting for revenge – first for your mother and then for the victims with a shield. Even after getting married, you chose to abandon your husband for the renewed hunt, and you were perfectly fine with others killing your nemesis. Are those the actions of a wife wanting to taxi toddlers around to play dates?"

Kate was surprised by Rita's candid response. Despite her love of Castle, there was still this unquenchable lure of the hunt that resided deep in her core. Normal people don't involve themselves in the killing of other people. Finally she responded, "Rita if things fall apart with Castle, what am I supposed to do? My job sucks. It's not who I am. Being a detective again seems like a step backwards. I do love the chase, and our little op even with the water awoke something visceral in me. Perhaps I would be better suited in your world?"

"Kate this is job not for the faint at heart. They train you in a very hot place. Trainees never leave the heat and humidity for their entire stay unless medically necessary. They want an unpleasant environment to make everything they throw at you even more challenging. You train every day to bulk up, fight, shoot, and study craft every waking minute. You are not a young chicken, and they will offer you no slack. I can make them aware if that's what you want."


	9. Chapter 9

After Rita departed, Kate was left in a quandary. The thing with Castle was what she thought she wanted, but did she have the commitment to sustain it. She had walked out on them allegedly to protect him and his family, but recent events had her questioning her motivation. As Rita pointed out, she had been complicit in a planned hit. She was feeling no revulsion or remorse. Perhaps her assumptions about aspiring for a storybook life needed a dose of honest skepticism in light of these baser instincts?

These were ruinous thoughts. When Cole Maddox had left her on that rooftop, she had made her choice. Her relationship with Castle was the nexus of her life, and she needed to put right what she so arrogantly put asunder. In short order she needed to inform Castle that LOKSAT was no more. While that sounded simple enough, she knew the actual task would be daunting. At first he would be wildly overjoyed, but then the interrogation would begin. He was all about the story, and any wrong detail could lead to a nasty confrontation. At the same time she needed to wind down things down with Vikram and rebuild her frayed relationships at work.

On the Castle front the best plan was to keep it as truthful as possible, and that meant invoking his father as the bearer of the good news. Technically that was actually true, and the backstory needed to be simple. From her own interrogation experience, she knew the more concise the alibi the better. From that standpoint, the obvious response was to say that the news came out of the blue because that was Jackson's usual pattern. How was she to know where he found out about her investigation or LOKSAT?

That week her usual meeting with Vikram went off as scheduled. Work stuff and the usual security sweep were done in minutes, and they both offered updates on their efforts to unwind their investigative efforts. She had begun by taking small loads of written records on her bike to various outer borough shred shops, and Vikram reported erasing almost all of his web footprint and deliberately torching the mother laptop into an unrecognizable hulk. At the end of the meeting, Vikram remarked about how glad he was about this change in direction. From her prospective that part of her to-do list was moving just as she hoped. Over the coming days she started to make a conscious effort to engage all her staff anyway she could. Most saw Castle as the wronged party, and even she felt they were right. This task was going to take awhile.

During the next weekend, she finally decided to invite Castle to the crater for a takeout meal and the big reveal. It offered many advantages. There would be no interruptions, and the thick walls would allow them privacy if they needed to vent. It also allowed them space to walk around which she found particularly helpful in stressful situations like with Dr. Burke. She called the following Monday, and they settled on meeting that Thursday night. That evening a nervous Castle arrived early with two bottles of her favorite red, and after a quick tour, a buzzer announced that their food had arrived. While she spread the containers on the table, he poured generous portions of the wine waiting for her to say whatever was on her mind. Kate saw no point in delaying the inevitable and said, "There is something you need to know. LOKSAT is dead, and I want to come home and begin our life if you will have me."

A huge smile immediately broke out on Rick's face, and then the questions followed. "How, when, where? Did you have anything to do with? Did you do it?"

"No, I didn't do it much as I would have liked to. I don't know much of the details. I was told by of all people - your father. He came to me last Saturday out of the blue just like he always does."

"He has a persistent habit of appearing out of nowhere. Do you believe him?"

"Yeah, I do. We know Rita helped us when we had our little run in with his henchmen. Perhaps the threat to his family got him to keep tabs on the guy. We both know he has access to all sorts of secret stuff, and perhaps that's how he heard the news."

Castle was digesting all this when suddenly his whole demeanor changed, and she knew something about the story wasn't washing. Rick looked puzzled and asked, "He came to you last Saturday - just like that, right?"

"Yeah, what can I say – he always was a man of mystery?"

"Kate, why are you lying to me? Rita came to see me. My father was DEAD last Saturday. What fucking game are you up to? God, does it ever stop with you? You don't trust us to jointly fix our problems, and now you don't trust me about the end of the most important thing in your life. Kate, I love you, but don't trust you. Our always was our chance to be something great, and you just keep reverting back to the vengeful hunter you really are. This isn't a wall I can circumvent; this is bedrock you."

Kate was shocked and without considering the context said, "Castle, I just got the day wrong – no big deal. Stop digging and let's enjoy our life together."

"Kate, you are a trained detective. You don't make mistakes about important stuff like this, and now you are compounding the original lie with a new one. This is who you really are, and I am just too blind to accept it. I need to leave. I guess you started this separation, and I might well have to finish it."

Kate bit her lip and opened her mouth but nothing came out. She knew she was caught and had no backup plan. After a few moment of silence, he walked out, and Kate was left at the table crying profusely. Kate had tried to thread the needle just a little too cute, and now their always was shot to hell.


	10. Chapter 10

That Friday morning the troops could tell something was amiss. Their engaging Captain was back to her old habits as she proceeded to her office, closed the door, and pulled the blinds without even the slightest pleasantries. That day she concentrated on paperwork and started a daily routine of three calls to Castle's voice mail where she tried a variety apologies that grew more and more desperate.

After almost a week of no replies, she headed directly to the loft after lunch and found Edwardo manning the reception desk. As she was about to enter the elevator, Edwardo warned her that only the female contingent was home, and they would not welcome her visit. Castle must have shared the details of their last fight, and that was an ominous sign. Regarding Castle's probable return, Edwardo had no idea so she headed to the Old Haunt in the hopes that he had taken refuge there. Her hopes were vindicated when Brian pointed to the stairway leading to the secluded office.

"Beckett, what are you doing here? There is nothing to talk about. You lied to me about the most important thing in your life. Even after getting married, you didn't trust me with your problems or the solution. Instead you followed who you really are and abandoned our always like trash. Your years of seeking justice for your mother and others have morphed you into a hunter who feeds off the injustices of others to satisfy your lust for the chase."

"Rick, I'm not going to apologize for the fact that the man who ruined so much of my life is dead, and the details are not for your sanctimonious ears to know. It's a gritty world out there, and sometimes you need to venture into that to get the job done. Your dad understood that; he and Rita have done that for years. Why can't you?"

"So you threw our always under the bus to satisfy your craving for revenge? No regard for me whatsoever? Is that what married people do to each other in you warped world?"

"Castle, this was the biggest thing in my life. What do you want me to say here?

"Perhaps, I had hoped that our marriage was the biggest thing in your life after you came to me that night in the rain, but I guess that was just a temporary hiatus while you awaited a new lead.

"We are done here Kate except for going public and the legal process. I'll see my lawyer next week, and you should probably talk to your dad about retaining one as well." Kate immediately left sensing there was nothing she could say after such a tirade. Her lack of trust had finally broken them, and there was no fixing this.

She stopped by a coffee shop and called her dad. The conversation did not go well. Her sanitized news about the death of LOKSAT was the high point. From there, things went downhill as she reported that she and Rick were probably at the end of the road. She had lied to him about how the whole LOKKSAT thing went down, and he had caught her. When he asked why, she said the how part was secret that she would never divulge. Her dad responded, "What have you done, Katie? Did it bring Johanna back? Is the triumph worth the loss?"

"God dad, I finally get the guy who ruined our family, and you go off on me not sharing? Can't you see the bigger picture here? I got the bastard back, and I will not apologize to anyone for using whatever means necessary. Sometimes you need to sink into the muck to right the scales."

"Kate, I think you're the one missing the bigger picture here. You are giving up a happy life with a partner who loves you for the sake of your obsession with revenge. Revenge will not keep you warm at night. Think about how crass a world that is. Are you really ready to live in that bleak world?"

"Why does everybody want to change me? Castle and you are a broken record. Perhaps this is the real me, and both of you just don't want to see it." With that startling rebuke, Jim was at a loss about what to say next. He knew all too well that Kate could be stubborn and saw no point continuing the call.

Over the next week things at the precinct took a decided turn for the worse. Someone had talked to Castle, and the news about their breakup hit the gossip network. It probably came from the boys, but within a few days most of her direct reports were sprinting to get out of her office with as little chit-chat as possible. The only exception was Vikram, who told her everyone now blamed her for ditching Castle. About a month later, the whole mess lost any sense of confidentiality when a court server appeared in the bullpen and needed her very public acceptance of service signature.

When that happened, she figured it was time to acknowledge the obvious by taking off her wedding rings, finding a real apartment, and deciding if she was really cut out for a life in the bureaucratic maze of the NYPD. Taking off the rings would be the hardest. Their always was supposed to be permanent – a one-and-done type of girl - that's what she told him. Now that whole promise was in tatters. When given a choice between their always and seeking revenge, she had chosen the latter. Her decisions laid bare an ugly truth she needed to process.

That next weekend while home looking at condo ads on second coffee refill, she got the call she wasn't expecting. "Ms. Beckett, this is John Miller from the curtain cleaning service you used earlier. We were wondering if we could meet to discuss your impressions about our past service." Kate almost fell off the couch totally blanking on her previous conversation with Rita. She quickly recovered her composure and offered a text address for the specifics.


	11. Chapter 11

That night sleep did not come as she kept looking at her phone for the promised text. The idea of doing something well outside her usual comfort zone was both scary and exhilarating. At about 5:00AM she awoke and found the much anticipated text. It outlined an interview like none she had ever encountered.

She would arrive and depart in a chauffeured limo, and once in the car, she would be hooded to insure site security. Attire was casual, but she was to bring changes of clothes suitable for sparing and running. Their time together would last all day, and mandatory sessions with a psychiatrist would be scheduled if mutual interest continued beyond this first meeting. Her phone and personal affects would be confiscated upon arrival, and she would be subject to an electronics scan by the chauffeur before leaving for the interview. The whole tenor of the text was not what one would call welcoming. Instead, it was very demanding and borderline dismissive.

On the home front, her father did recommend a good divorce attorney although in the end there really was no need. In light of the facts that she had abandoned the marital home for no valid reason she would share, Castle made a generous cash settlement, offered Gina's expertise to minimize the publicity, and suggested fast tracking things as much as possible. Her lawyer's only comment was "What's not to like?" Kate wasn't surprised by his almost giddy surmise since he would do next to nothing and still recoup a nice fee. With nothing really to argue about, she reluctantly agreed with his conclusion.

After signing the paperwork and returning to the crater, she pondered the mess she had made with Castle. She had tried for the gold ring with him only to find that she was emotionally unavailable for the relationship he wanted. That night when she met Officer Raglan something inside her did indeed change. Somehow the whole trauma of her mother's murder and the police's tepid response had been a harsh wake-up call for her youthful optimism. She joined the force to be one of the good guys, but her long career hunting among the dregs of humanity made the hunt more rewarding than the often messy result delivered by the criminal justice system.

Both experiences painted a harsh unforgiving world where personal advantage motivated most human behavior. In that world, a hard exterior both physically and mentally served her best, and her brief interlude with Castle was an exception not likely to be repeated. Perhaps her promise to be ready for them on the swings once her demon was caught was really just another lie to avoid facing how irreparable broken she really was. When Hunt's proposal came along, she chose the chase and the isolation of her walls over her one-and-done. She needed to accept that some broken people like herself cannot be fixed. That was the moment she looked down at her left hand and removed both her engagement and wedding ring for the final time. Later that night she texted John Miller to express her continuing interest.

The announcement about the divorce came about a week later. The tabloid press had made Rick out as a three time loser, but thankfully didn't seem to take sides in the blame game. As agreed, the statement asked all to respect their privacy, and of course, the paparazzi had no intention of following that request. Luckily, she was able to keep them out of the precinct, but she assumed correctly that every salacious print detail was required reading for all her underlings.

On the agreed date the limo was waiting for her as she emerged from the crater at 7:00AM in her trainers with a duffel bag of extra clothing as requested. After a quick handshake with John Miller she was in the back seat with the hood firmly in place. When the car stopped, she was led into a building and found herself in a remarkable old gymnasium with no windows facing two men and two women totally dressed in black. After a few pleasantries and some terrible coffee, they explained that the interview process would be arduous, and brutal honesty was always the best policy. They then adjourned to a table and set of chairs where her whole professional life history from the NYPD, the A/G Office, and her second stint back in New York were discussed in detail. Based on the questions they were asking, it was clear they were quite well informed, and she responded with as much candor as she could remember.

They then delved into her relationships and particularly her long painful thing with Castle. Yes, he was her one-an-done, but that was not to be because she was emotionally unavailable for that kind of commitment. She had made a choice of revenge over her friends, family, and the love of her life. Those relationships were now irreparable broken, but the good news was she brought no personal baggage that might interfere with her commitment to this job. Going forward, she openly admitted she would not be celibate, but any future relationships would be strictly casual.

With the basics clarified, they asked her to retire to restroom and put on appropriate sparing attire. When she returned, they had rolled out a twenty foot square mat, and her task was simply to knock the opposing female host off her feet. Seemed like an easy task, but try as she might, she was the one kissing mat every time. The woman obviously had training way above her skill level, and Kate just persevered until she was told to shower and dress for lunch.

After the lunch the whole tenor of the conversation changed when they brought up her mommy issues. She knew this was the elephant in the room and had a planned an honest account including the last act with all it's gory details. The tale started with her mother's death in the alley, her secret work in the files, her personal murder board, and her temporary cold turkey withdrawal until Castle's prying pathologist formulated a new take. That eventually led to the tape that finally brought down the late Senator. She thought that was the end until LOKSAT came along and took any extremely aggressive stance killing most of her old AG team. Then he attacked Castle, and all her hunter instincts kicked into overdrive. She would get him before he got Castle. Jackson Hunt came along and offered a perfect plan. She took it and had no regrets.

"Are you sure, you are finally over all this about your mother's murder?", one of the inquisitors asked?

She was expecting this question and replied, "Absolutely, I green-lighted the murder of the man responsible, and while I didn't pull the trigger, it was satisfaction enough."

After answering all their questions, she was back changing into jogging attire. When she returned a rectangular course had been set up with orange cones and she was told to jog the short sections and sprint the longer ones as she followed the imaginary lines around and around. The first lap was a breeze; the eighth was difficult. By the twelfth, she was sucking air, slick with perspiration, and smelly beyond belief. After fifteen laps, they let her shower and return to the interview table where a bottle of cold water awaited her very dry throat.

The last part of the meeting was a lengthy explanation of her new life if this all worked out. There was of course, a long legal document explaining the secrecy agreement she would be signing, and the agency would prosecute to the full extent of the law anyone violating that agreement forever. With all her questions answered, the hood was put in place, and she was dropped back at the crater just after dark.

The next week she met with Gates and began by suggesting that her recent divorce from her popular husband was still a distraction for her staff. The precinct was her home, and she felt obligated to not cause any issues that would reflect badly on the men and women who worked there. In light of that, she wondered if the department might have another position where her full skill set could be utilized with personnel not as familiar with her personal drama. Gates sympathized with her dilemma, but said her reputation would follow her anywhere in the department. When Gates offered no alternative suggestions, Kate knew her only options were to persevere or hope John Miller called.


	12. Chapter 12

On the first day of her training, Kate was standing outside the crater in dire need of coffee promptly at 6:00AM waiting for the limo that would start her new life. During the previous week, she had packed up all her belongings at the crater and deposited them in the storage unit where Castle had shipped all her big stuff earlier. Right now all she had were the clothes on her back and a large black trash bag containing her last few belongings.

She was the first to be picked-up and, over the next half hour the driver introduced Clarice, Kerri, and Nancy who had similar black bags. When they arrived, blood, urine, and saliva samples were all taken and hastily rushed for analysis. Soon, all were sitting one-on-one with a staff member going through a mountain of paperwork where blocks were checked and signatures applied. After a short coffee break, they began a series of appointments with different doctors and an exercise physiologist. At these sessions, it was like they were raw parts needing a final quality check before their assembly into something greater.

With the medical out of the way, they were ushered into four folding chairs for what turned out to be a rather long complicated lecture about the legal agreement they would be signing regarding the nature of their new life. The lecturer presented a dour picture, but none of it seemed to raise any concerns from the audience. At the end, the official videotaped a short session where each acknowledged they were doing this voluntarily and understood the risks that might arise. All affirmed their intention though none comprehended how much the next phase would change them.

It was just before noon, and small lunch was served of just sandwiches and water. With the plates and bottles cleared, the guy who appeared to be in charge told them to get assemble facing him along a long black line about five feet in front him where four large duffel bags lay on the side of the line closest to him. Once lined up, he said, "In the duffels you will find tee shirts, running shorts and trainers. One by one, you can head to the restroom with your duffel and trash bag, stow your street clothes in the trash bag, dress in your trainee attire, and return to the line with just your duffel.

Kate was third into the restroom and watched as another staff member brought out a chair, a table, and two different cordless electric razors just a bit to the left of the group. Once they were all back on the line, the leader said, "You are now on the bottom rung of this organization, and you need to look the part. In that chair your old life will cease. Kate watched in horror as the first razor labored to strip off large swaths of hair from Clarice. The second razor was much finer and left just a veneer of fuzz. When Kate returned to the line after her turn with the razor, she had a new appreciation for how odd ears looked when naked for all to see.

Once all were sheared, the same guy said, "You are now headed to a place called the Island, and it will be the most grueling twelve week experience of your life. You will be hot and sweaty from the moment you arrive until you leave. Training will occur seven days a week. Later today, you will be meet your trainer and get your orientation. For the next twelve weeks you will live with minimal creature comforts, while you persevere through an arduous training schedule under deliberately harsh conditions."

After a brief silent pause, the pilot took some paperwork from the leader, and all the newbies were hooded and marched with their duffels on to a waiting jet that departed immediately.. On the plane with only black in front of her, her mind wondered aimlessly until her recently shaved scalp started to bother her. From her perch high in the sky, she considered the chair ceremony to be an outlandish act of intimidation. Within a week, she would come to a far more favorable conclusion as her stressed body desperately tried to expel copious amounts of heat and sweat from any surface exposed to the air.

The plane landing was bumpy, and Kate considered it an appropriate omen for the unknown she was about to face. Once parked, the pilot came back and instructed all four to remove their hoods and open the window shades so their eyes could adjust to the harsh sunlight they would be experiencing. With duffels in hand, they disembarked down some rickety stairs and were met by a delegation of eight females and two males all dressed in black with goggle like sunglasses.

Once on the ground, they were all ordered to put toes on a line. A female, who appeared to be in charge, welcomed them, and quickly laid out the command structure that would govern their lives for the duration. Each trainee would have an assigned primary trainer who would be their task master, coach, and critic. The primary trainer would always be addressed by first name, while all trainees would be referred to only by their last name. "Your job here is to work hard and then work harder. In the coming weeks, personal and opponent discomfort will be an intentional part of the program. Most humans avoid discomfort whenever possible. Here, we celebrate it and you will learn to embrace and process it for what it truly is. We will train you to beat the best, and that means inflicting and enduring gratuitous discomfort without any hesitation."

"As you may have noticed by now, this place is remarkably hot and humid with heat indexes well above ninety during the day and little relief at night. It has been referred to as a blast furnace inside a sauna, and that is an accurate description. This will make your daily exercise and combat sessions especially challenging, and extra water breaks will be provided to keep you hydrated. Today your primary trainer will go over a fact sheet about heat related symptoms, and if you experience any of these, you must report to a trainer immediately."


	13. Chapter 13

After that rather dour introduction, Kate met her primary trainer, Carol. She had blonde hair and was a few inches taller than Kate. The big difference was how toned and muscular her whole body was. She guessed this girl would be a showoff in any gym. After a powerful handshake, she escorted Kate to the sleep area which was a large rectangular tent covering a concrete slab with all the side flaps rolled up and four cots with associated lockers scattered in the middle.

On opposing sides of the back, there was a cinder block edifice marked with a sign for 'shower'. Kate was given a key card to operate the shower For the next twelve weeks she would enjoy just a short cold spray, cheap shampoo, and bargain soap. The cots had a wooden frame with just a thin layer of canvas to lie on. Prior occupant's sweat had turned most of the canvas an ugly black, and Kate would soon learn that exhaustion not any sense of comfort would drive what little restful sleep she did get.

After dropping off her duffel bag on one of the cots, they went to the exercise tent which was set up like the sleep tent. It had two rows of identical exercise stations. Each side had a rower, a dumbbell rack, a kettlebell stand, a burpee/plank mat, and an elliptical waiting for use. Carol told her she would establish base line data during her first week, and she would then program rigorous workouts that built both strength and endurance. Outside she pointed to the start/finish line of an open terrain 5K running track they would also be using as part of her training. The next stop was the combat tent where four thick large blue mats delineated available combat arenas. Kate looked at her host and wondered how often she would be uncomfortably kissing that mat over the next number of weeks. As they left, Carol ominously said, "You will come to hate your time in these tents until you learn to embrace both personal and opponent discomfort."

After that, they walked over to the range tent that contained both inside and outside firing ranges. She would be training with a number of handguns. The idea was to make agents familiar with an array of handguns in case necessity forced them to use an opportunity piece. Unfortunately most of their targets earned their positions of leadership or trust brandishing and indiscriminately using weapons. That meant agents had to be equally well prepared. The problem was they were in the information business - not the shooting business. The idea was to confront marks and then use overwhelming physical brutality to get them talkative. That meant good surveillance was key for a successful mission.

The last building was dubbed the craft/mess joint by Carol. Most of it was taken up by a large classroom setting with screens and laptops facing a front lectern and large white board. To the side there was a square stage that looked like a skeletal practice area. The craft training would be broken down into communication, research, surveillance, introduction, confrontation, and escape. At the back there was a set of picnic tables and a rack where food trays were stored. Carol meandered towards that table and instructed Kate to grab tray three which was hers for the duration. Kate pulled out the tray containing a meal, water, and happily a small mug of black coffee. When Carol saw her almost giddy reaction, she said, "We know you have a thing for that and figured you could use some on your first day."

"Carol, is coffee part of the regular diet?"

Carol replied, "That depends on your daily effort. The choice is yours Beckett."

After relishing every morsel on the tray like it was her last, Kate followed Carol back to the sleep tent where all the other trainees were already stowing their gear and removing their trainers for the night. Showers followed, and they lived up to their billing as both cold and short. After dressing in just a new tee and shorts, she emerged and tried to sleep as dusk turned to dark. That proved to be easier said than done. Even with a slight breeze, the oppressive humidity caused beads of sweat to form on any part of your body not fully exposed to the air. It was like lying in a sweat bath, and Kate knew restful sleep would be hard to come by.

When Carol arrived at the sleep tent at the agreed hour the next morning, Kate was both excited and reluctant at the same time. At the mess/craft hall she grabbed tray three as instructed earlier and found only a meal, water, and no coffee. At the table a quick perusal of the other trainee trays showed that she alone was going without.

After breakfast, Carol told her to meet at the track for a morning run. Kate was pleased with the choice because she was an experienced runner in her prior life. The problem was the terrain of this particular course was not like what she was used to. It contained lots of steep grades, and Carol was right behind keeping a blistering pace even on the inclines. By the end of the course, Kate was covered with a sheen of sweat that would accompany her all day everyday. Carol noticed her uncomfortable state and told her to get used to it. In less than a week, Kate would come to understand that the smelly lather was just the first salvo for whatever new discomforts Carol had planned for the day.

After that first run, they moved on to the exercise tent, and as advertised, this was going to be a place Kate would rather not be. For the first hour Carol explained how exercises were to be performed to insure proper form. Kate listened attentively to all the explanations because Carol valued form much more than stamina at least initially. When the orientation was over, Carol told her to keep repeating the routine on the whiteboard until told to stop. The first was easy. The fourth was tiresome, and by the end of the sixth, she was again a sweaty exhausted mess with poor form. Carol noticed her distress and told her it was time to ignore her physical discomfort and do the work. By now her entire body was radiating heat, sweat, and exhaustion well beyond anything she had ever experienced. Her clothes were damp, and her trainers squeaked as rivulets of perspiration cascaded down her legs and pooled in her trainers.

With Kate's form seriously lacking, Carol ordered her to stand at attention for a long critique. Kate tried to stay focused on the lecture, but the aches from her spent muscles and the sweat gushing from every pour left her blatantly out of the desired position. Carol was visibly miffed by her disregard and suddenly her left hand reared back, formed a fist, and landed with a thud just below Kate's rib cage. Kate immediately bent over struggling for breath as an indignant Carol shouted, "Here you will follow my instructions – no matter what. Your temporary discomfort is no excuse to zone out. Now, stand at attention, Beckett." Kate slowly righted herself and locked her arms, torso, and legs in the proper position.

While Kate was still gasping for air, Carol shouted out new instructions for a different routine. The new exertion quickly renewed every unpleasant feeling her body could muster. It was now a battle of her will versus her body's level of exhaustion. As she rested for a short timeout, Kate began noticed a welcome decrease in the incremental physical unpleasantness she was feeling. Sure her arms, core, and legs were all sending loud distress signals amplified by the sweat pouring from everywhere, but the cumulative misery seemed to have plateaued.

When Carol told her no more, Kate righted herself awaiting a critique like before. Surprisingly, that was not to be. Instead, Carol spent her recovery time explaining the agency's take on personal discomfort. "Today you began a process to build physical strength through discomfort. It is a personal journey pitting your determination to follow my commands against your body's tolerance for discomfort. The baseline workout today proved we need to ramp up your tolerance to meet our standards. Overtime I will add time and difficulty to these routines forcing you to endure ever higher thresholds of physical discomfort for what it truly is – fleeting unpleasantness that signals your body is getting stronger. In our business, physical strength is essential. If a punch or kick is not powerful, it is a wasted effort that may embolden your mark. Here, we build that strength."

Kate opted to have lunch alone while she pondered the miserable implications of what Carol had said. Luckily the entire afternoon was spent with a long craft session by two trainers who did not have trainee assignments. The classroom setting was a welcome sedentary respite that allowed her body to recover from the feverish pace set in the morning. The only distractions were the smells. By this time in the day all the trainees had been through extended periods of arduous exertion, and the accumulated sweat they carried brought a pungent odor over the entire class space.


	14. Chapter 14

Breakfast the next morning with Carol was a quiet affair. The good news was that Kate's tray had a mug of passable coffee. Given her fitful sleep the night before, the black elixir was the perfect fuel she needed to persevere through what she knew would be another long and exhausting day. After a short timeout, they were off for the usual run that took them over the same course as yesterday. By the half way point, the familiar miseries were returning as her body heated, sweated, and ached from the pace and the geography of the course.

After a short cool down, they headed to the combat tent where Carol led her to what would be their mat for the day. Once there, both sloughed off their trainers, donned head gear, and fitted their fists with gloves. When properly attired, Carol told her they would be sparing and grappling here today in an effort to once again set a baseline for her future training. Immediately, Carol's blows made it abundantly clear that stings and bruises were going to be commonplace. After that, the punches, kicks, knees, and elbows came in no particular order as a tentative Kate tried to fend off Carol's vigorous attack. Kate immediately understood that her prior was training was way below the expectation here . Luckily Carol did falter, and Kate pounced with a flurry of punches that sent Carol reeling to the mat. Kate was ever so pleased with her performance, but wisely repressed any visible glee. As they both tired, the pace of the strike exchanges slowed until Carol broke off contact.

As she rested, a new male trainer arrived, while Carol walked out saying, "Obey him as you would me, Beckett." This guy was much bigger than her, and most importantly, his whole body was fresh for whatever combat exercises he had in mind. His expertise was in grappling, and after shouting out his intentions, they were on the mat in various wrestling positions trying to forcefully outmaneuver the other. These encounters were worse than the sparing because her spent muscles were now constantly stressed fending off a much fresher opponent. Needless to say, her body heat rose, the sweat poured, and all her muscles rebelled. The combination created the same discomfort as yesterday. Only this time, it was opponent driven.

It only stopped when Carol reappeared, and her anonymous adversary abruptly left. During a subsequent rest break, Carol explained that she would eventually face a string of trainees in every combat session. That way her opponents would be fresh, while Kate would labor under the cumulative effects from earlier challengers. "Not a fair fight, Beckett. The idea is to normalize extreme discomfort by repeated encounters with fresh opponents."

After a second sparing and grappling session, Kate was finally allowed to rest while Carol went over what today was all about. "In our line of work very few marks will be cooperative. That unfortunately will lead to adversarial situations where you must use your new found strength and our combat techniques to both dispense and endure unpredictable discomfort depending on the skill set of your mark. If they are nothing more than organized hooligans, we expect an easy victory. If however, they are competent, we expect you to endure any level of brutality they can muster while dispensing an unending flurry of your own savagery. Our job here is to simply extend your tolerance for taking a beating, while mercilessly inflicting the same."

That night after dinner and her brief cold shower, she contemplated just how the next few months of her life would go. According to Carol, experiencing and understanding both personal and opponent discomfort were fundamental to becoming a successful agent. The training here was to get your body accustomed to those most unpleasant feelings.

That proved to be a naïve assessment as confrontation preparation work in the craft tent uncovered a new kind of discomfort in her head. During the afternoon classes, they repeatedly extolled the virtues of using maximum instantaneous brutality at any sign of hesitation on the part of mark. Initiating that kind of mayhem on just anyone unprovoked was repugnant to her, and it showed in her sparing with Carol and competitive fights with other trainees. Over time Carol and Kate had numerous discussions about her reluctance, and everyday Carol openly instructed her opponents to unleash a brutal wave of strikes particularly in the early going. She hoped the repeated stings brought on by her reluctance would force acceptance. Kate never really embraced that approach. It was a blemish on her final evaluation, but her strong finishes made it a concern and not a deal breaker.

Three weeks later, Kate still dreaded her time in either exercise or combat tent though her body was much more equipped to handle the relentless discomfort that came with each. In the both arenas the number of routines and bouts was ramped up as Carol saw her mind and body better able to handle the heighten levels of discomfort each venue afforded. By now all sessions in the combat tent included competitions between the trainees with both trainers just observing. This twist had both a positive and pernicious effect. On the plus side, it definitely upped the game of the trainees. On the other hand, ill feelings from scorned losers could fester and bubble up in the relaxed quarters of the sleep tent. It usually started with some verbal barbs that escalated into shoving and finally impromptu renewals of the earlier contests. These were nasty bare-knuckle affairs held just outside the sleep tent, and she was surprised that Carol never commented on the new bruising that obviously occurred sometime overnight.

Regular disappointments here did not sit well with Kate's usual expectation of excellence. After a particularly poor showing with fresh bruises hindering her repose, she contemplated the unwelcome feeling of failure. Ever since college she had had a seriousness of purpose that made her a star in any endeavor. Here though, things were different. Her fellow trainees were not picked because they were pansies. Was she seriously expecting real adversaries to be less skilled than these newbies. That realization alarmed her; she had not signed up for this job to be a failure.

In order to avoid that, she felt the intensity in both tents needed to be ramped up. The next morning at breakfast Kate broached her plan with Carol and found a receptive audience. The new more rigorous routine began immediately with a big change in Carol's demeanor towards her. Her former laid-back coach was now barking out commands at every turn. Running, strength training, and competitive combat were now all done at a faster pace with Carol constantly demeaning her efforts. At first, Kate ignored the derogatory expletive laden commentary, but soon, she was slinging back her own trash talk hoping it would distract from the onerous exertions Carol kept demanding.

By the ninth week, the additional training has improved Kate's strength and technique just like she hoped. She was now winning more than the majority of her fights and had only occasional evening sessions that didn't go her way. This upswing of successes led her to wonder if the trainers were holding back. If this place was all about expanding your discomfort zone, how would a full contact competitive fight with Carol go? Would she unleash that field experience on Kate? Could Kate withstand the fury of an experienced agent? On the way to breakfast later that week, she pointedly asked, "Carol, how good am I at embracing opponent discomfort? Would I hold up in a confrontation with a real agent like you? Carol listened, but offered no response. Kate wanted an answer and said, "Carol, this place is all about inflicting discomfort, yet you refuse to let me benchmark my tolerance against opponents like you with real field experience. Are you not an aggressive bitch like you want us to be?"

Carol knew that remark could not go unanswered and told Beckett to head directly to her cot in the sleep tent. Kate was pacing around her cot very unsure about the response when Carol appeared with another trainer. "Tell him you want full contacts fights with me from here on out?"

"That is exactly what I want, Carol?" Kate saw a slight nod of her associate before excruciating discomfort blossomed from her gut as Carol's left hand landed with a thud. Kate's torso was careening forward when Carol's right hand found the same target unleashing a second wave of hurt.

Kate's eyes watered as she struggled for breath, and Carol dismissively shouted, "Those sessions will start tomorrow. Hope you're happy now?"

The bouts with Carol were, as expected, most unpleasant. Carol was by far the best close combat opponent she had ever faced. Her strikes were both powerful and right on target for maximum effect. Her other preferred tactic was the heel stomp to the top of the foot. The downward motion harnessed the full power of the leg and could be instantly repeated if an adversary did not take evasive steps. The good news for Kate was that her past weeks of competitive trainee fights had normalized this kind of brutality. Frequent experience spawned a tolerance that let her concentrate on offense even when her body was being repeatedly pummeled. That solitary focus turned most fights into draws where both ended up exhausted and bloody promising a better effort tomorrow. For the remainder Kate's time on the Island, these continuing brawls made their regular daily training interactions tense awkward affairs with perceived slights escalating into loud derogatory rants that severed any hope of a normal working relationship. One night while sweating profusely on her cot after a particularly rough bout with Carol, all the cumulative discomfort of her stay led her back to a new perspective on the introductory comments made when she first arrived. While most people do all they can to minimize discomfort, the key in her new profession was to accept it and even become intimate with it. From that point on, her attitude about training sessions and even fights with Carol became opportunities.

On her last day she was a neophyte spymaster, a competent marksman, a determined exerciser, and most of all a fighter who could endure or dispense unending amounts of discomfort without a second thought. There was no recognition ceremony, but the head did let slip that she was second in the final evaluation sent to the higher-ups. In her last moments with Carol, Kate hoped for some prophetic words of farewell, but that was not to be. Instead, Carol's last act was to throw a fierce jab directly into Kate's unguarded gut and silently walk away. By now, Kate was used to Carol's fists finding their mark and took a couple labored breaths before pivoting to board the aircraft. An hour later, Kate was sitting in seat 3B chilly, slightly tipsy, and a tad bit blind. Twelve weeks without air conditioning, liquor, or sunglasses had changed her body's expectations.


	15. Chapter 15

It had been eight months since Kate had left the training camp, and she was now in the breakfast bar of a hotel near Southwest Florida Regional Airport perusing the local newspaper. Of special interest was the blurb and picture of Richard Castle who was giving a reading/reception that very afternoon from his new collection of short stories. The picture had his public smile, and the faint praise for the book suggested it was not his best work.

She had most of the afternoon to kill because she was waiting for someone special. Earlier she had gone to the hotel gym and done repeated rounds of burpees and rowing. After the Island, her body expected grueling exercise everyday, and today was no exception. At home she had a dedicated room where daily rounds of rowing, kettlebell swings, and burpees were done until she was slick with perspiration, very smelly, and totally exhausted.

All this was in preparation for weekly sparing matches with anonymous opponents set up via text from her handler. The size, weight, and gender of your partner were not disclosed until you saw them, and sparing was really a misnomer. After suiting up, these encounters were full contact fights where jabs, kicks, and knees were exchanged without reservation. By the end, both parties were bruised and sometimes bloody. The weird part was the anonymity of the whole thing. You met, exchanged bitter blows, and left. In time she would come to surmise that these session served dual purposes of demonstrating your combat skills and normalizing instantaneous brutality against an anonymous opponent.

After her time in the hotel gym, it was off for a long shower and proper primping. The guest of honor was her fuck buddy, Jason. They met on a long airport layover, opted for a room, and very enjoyable sex ensued. The man was made of steel, and his casual attitude was perfect. Castle had introduced her to this world, and once her handlers had cleared him, she saw no reason not to partake. At each rendezvous, he was becoming more sexually assertive, and today she was wearing just a dress and her standard trainers. Being without underwear was just mental foreplay, and she was happy to indulge his fantasies for the carnal pleasures he would provide later.

After a leisurely lunch, she was in her rental car on the way to the Castle soiree. Upon Castle's arrival, he immediately recognized her sitting in the second row. After that, a bumpy reading ensued. Obviously, her surprise appearance had rattled him, and she willfully decided to prod his discomfort with a short reunion. After the autograph line dwindled, she swooped in at the end and said, "Hi Castle! Thought I would come see you in the flesh. You look frightened. I get that a lot now that badass Beckett has been unleashed. Don't worry Castle this is just a social call. If it was work, you would be either talking or hurting right now."

"You would even hurt me?"

"Castle, I am in the information business. Talk or hurt - no other option. Most arrogantly disregard my warning, and then I go to work unleashing an unexpected wave of brutality that gives them a new perspective. After that, enlightened self-interest usually wins the day."

By now Castle had noted her diminished stature and asked, "Kate, you look different? Where are your killer heels?"

"You get this kind of body when you spend time in a place here you sweat profusely standing still. The training bulked me up, and I wouldn't be caught dead in heels. Feet are weapons - not something for foolish adornment."

"Did you ever use them like that?"

Yes, my trainers believed we should use all appendages because our marks overlook them. That is a standard combat protocol now in case you want to use it for one of your books."

"After all the drama with us, I opted to try my hand at something new. This is my first stab at short stories. Not sure the critics or I want any more. Are you happy with your new life?"

"Castle, because of my mother, I have become too jaded. When I chose revenge over our always, I lost not only you, but also any entitlement to the possibility of joy that the stick man promised. I just get glimpses and then fall back into my world where malicious intent is everywhere. In my job I have become a nasty cynical creature prone to strike first much like your father. I relish hunting in the this swill and am comfortable with the stench that never washes off. Successful ops give me contentment that the better angels can win a few, and that is as good as it gets for someone like me."

After returning to the hotel, Jason arrived on time, and things went better than planned from her perspective with three rounds in before both were pleasantly sweaty and sated. As he dressed, he suggested another romp in a couple weeks, and she was more than happy to oblige. She found a strange sense of contentment playing the submissive in bed.

After he left, she showered and put on a generic brown delivery person uniform with her hair tucked under the usual cap, got into her rental car, and parked a couple blocks down the street from 416 Oak Street. She then pulled out her phone and waited for a text from the surveillance geeks that the mark was ready for contact. Within a few minutes, the go order arrived, and she walked up and knocked on the front door. When the curious female occupant opened the door, Kate's foot stomped hard into the unprotected stomach of the startled inhabitant forcing her to stumble backward and double over. Kate immediately grabbed her exposed mane and positioned her skull for a violent collision with her knee knocking the victim to the floor well beyond the entryway. Before the women could verbalize anything, Kate closed the front door and said, "My sources suggest there's lots of coke in this house so you might want to refrain from starting a scene that draws any unnecessary attention."

"Is that what this is all about?"

"I couldn't care less about your life as a drug mule. I am here about your good friend, Ronny."

"Ronny, who the hell is Ronny?"

Kate expected that response and plopped on top of her victim while delivering two effective punches that surely would need lots of concealer to cover-up. The girl winced in new agony and Kate said, "If you continue this charade, our time together will be most unpleasant. I am trained to hurt people, and there is no limit to how far I will go. The choice is yours - talk or hurt?"

That little show of domination turned the tide and questions were answered loudly so her small digital recorder had an unvarnished record for her superiors. With the recording safely stowed in her pocket, she exited the home and dropped off both the recorder and her weapon with the surveillance geeks now parked close by her car. The following morning, she dropped the car at the rental center and boarded the shuttle for the departure gates. In the security line she became Nancy Uhl - just another tourist flying back to New York from a quick break in sunny Florida. An hour later she was crammed into a main cabin seat with a passable glass of red in hand and a couple of hours to compose her report.

Over the course of her tenure with the agency Kate would see Castle four more times. The first was from the back of a stadium using special binoculars to watch as Alexis received her college diploma while Castle and Martha stood up making a spectacle of themselves. This was family at its best, and she wondered what it would be like to be part of that. The second time was from the back of a church at Martha's funeral. Castle did the eulogy, and it showed why he was a great writer. She quickly exited before the condolence line formed because displays of empathy were just something she no longer did.

The third time she was as an inconspicuous bystander very near a church entrance where a limo had just dropped off Castle and his little girl for the start of Alexis's wedding. She recognized the real Castle smile and knew this was a match he approved of.

The fourth time was at her dad's funeral. She just expected Aunt Sophie and a few of his lawyer buds, but there in the flesh was Castle in a pew all by himself. She dreaded her time in the reception line. Sympathetic friends offering heartfelt condolences or tearful remembrances were uncomfortable reminders of a past that no longer had any relevance to her new life. After her break with Castle, the father-daughter relationship had become stilted as he adjusted from the Katie of their family days with Johanna to the new harder Agent Beckett of today. As she watched all the cars exit the lot, it was a time to reflect, and she was feeling an unpleasant mixture of regret, repugnance, and finally resignation. Resignation won the day, and that night she messaged her handler requesting immediate reinstatement.


	16. Chapter 16

From the agency's perspective Kate's career for the next three plus years was bumpy. While her success rate was in the top quartile, she had a persistent habit of going off script much to the dismay of her superiors. Kate's standard dismissal to all this was, "Results matter, and everything else is just bureaucratic crap." That all changed on a routine recon mission in Sonora Mexico monitoring a cartel operations center.

She had been in a hide of her own choosing far from the one designated in the op walk through when all hell broke loose as automatic gunfire came in from all sides. Luckily she had opted to carry her most accurate handgun and began returning fire. She quickly realized how dire her situation was and followed protocol by sending a distress signal to the drone flying along the US side of the border. After visibly throwing her weapon to the ground, she was surrounded by five men and roughly groped for any hidden weapons. Finding none, they zip tied her hands, put a hood over head, and threw her into the back of pickup. When the truck stopped she was marched though a door and down a stairway to a room where they attached ankle and wrist bracelets that were adjusted to put her in a taut spread eagle position.

The next sound she heard was very familiar. It was the click of a serious set of high heels hitting a hard surface. The female voice that followed confirmed her suspicions and said, "Welcome to my country? My employers really want to know who sent you and why? I hope you will cooperate and not make me employ more unpleasant methods. Well, think carefully? I'll be back in a few minutes for your answer."

When she returned, Kate went with the totally ignorant story hoping a rescue team could get her out of here before the unpleasantness began. "Look", she replied, "I am just a gringo tourist who got a bit lost. The weapons are just prudent protection; your country does have a violent reputation. I meant you no harm. Just let me go, and I will leave immediately."

There was a noticeable pause, and the voice continued, "So you telling me you are just an average gringo tourist who got lost with special binoculars, an expensive new handgun, and a sophisticated communication device that seems to have gone dark. Is that your story?" Both paused stunned by the blatant absurdity of Kate's story. As Kate heard the heels clicking away from her, the voice said, "That's a pity. I hope these gentleman can perhaps persuade you to amend your story." When the door shut, a pair of footsteps moved towards her where the fun would begin.

Within seconds she felt two rapid searing punches to her gut. She sputtered for breath willing herself to embrace the sudden rush of discomfort. She was sure this was just a mild preview for what they had in store. However before any further mayhem ensued, she heard a door open and the sound of two bursts of automatic gunfire. After that a voice said, "Agent Beckett, I guess the cavalry has arrived. In seconds the hood was removed, and she was freed from her bindings. Before her, slumped on the floor were two lifeless bodies next to a variety of very sadistic accessories. "We are doing a recon sweep and probably be out of here within the hour. Recon the room and meet us topside ASAP." said the man in a mask.

After that a second masked operative entered the room with a petite female in tow. "Perhaps you can interrogate her while we clean up out here?" He immediately shut the door, and her new roommate screamed. Kate recognized that voice and knew this interrogation was going to both fun and informative. When the pair emerged topside, Kate was confident she had gleaned all their was to know, while her charge looked both bruised and terrified. From what Kate could see, her prisoner was the only one left standing, and the masked man in charge decided to tie her to a far-off tree to provide her employer with a clear message. As they left, she watched as carefully laid charges of C4 did exactly what they were supposed to do.

The ride back was uneventful, and she was soon at a military base hospital being checked over by all sorts of white coats. The x-rays showed no broken bones, and her skin showed scant signs of abuse. She had been very lucky that the cavalry arrived when it did. She would be at the base for at least a two weeks for a mandatory psyche evaluation and mission debrief. She thought that much time off the active roster was way overboard. Yes, she was unnerved by her recent experience, but badass Agent Beckett had reasserted itself telling anyone within earshot she was just fine.

The first hint of trouble came from the psychiatrist. The first appointment was not fun. He obviously had read her file. Did everything in her life always stem from her mother's murder? Every shrink from Dr. Burke on always honed in on the same time period trying to coax out new insights that she thought were not relevant to her new life. Yes - it was a pivotal event in her life, but now she had moved on since all those responsible were taken care of with no regrets on her part. Yes - it had cost her the love of her life, but in the aftermath, the agency had gained an agent with no romantic entanglements to muddy her dedication.

After the second of these unpleasant trips down memory lane, she was informed that she would be the main participant in an inquiry about her recent Sonora op. This is never good thing. In conjuring up her defense the big hole was her independent and unjustified decision to move her hide much closer to the compound for no apparent tactical gain. The agency hated unpredictability, and her actions had necessitated a hastily arranged rescue that alerted their targets and unfortunately had not gone unnoticed by local officials. By any measure, this was a giant fuck-up.

The hearing lasted the better part of four afternoons, and these guys made no pretense of being objective. She was the main witness. Confined to that chair, it felt like they inserted a funnel in her mouth and poured in a rancid mixture of objective facts, selected criticism from her past missions, and finally a hefty dose of the agency's predictability mantra. Her pitiful defense rested on the fact that plans were just that, and agents needed operational discretion once they were put in harm's way. The panel was not swayed by that line of reasoning. The result was never in doubt, and her tenure with the agency would end on a flight home the next day.


	17. Chapter 17

When she arrived back in New York she had a six month severance package and not much else. She had hoped to buy her apartment, but now that might not be the best option. Instead she decided to take some time and decompress. The best way to do that was with Jason and two long weekends were planned at airport hotels in sunny Florida.

When she arrived for their first weekend together, he met her at the airport, and while he waited for her luggage, she went to the restroom to dress Jason style. It was their routine now, and she liked the way he gazed at her in unguarded moments knowing what she wasn't wearing. When they arrived at the hotel, two rounds quickly ensued before she even noticed the stunning ocean view from their balcony.

Pleasantly sated and sweaty, she carefully broached the subject of her recent unemployment. She pretty much regurgitated the agency's sanitized version without any embellishment. Surprisingly, he listened intently and held her tight which was both unexpected and very comforting. He told her that much the same thing had happened to him over a year ago, and while disconcerting, he had re-invented himself and found a tolerable job. These types of intimate details were not usually something they shared, but it did feel like both were making a concerted effort to explore new ground. From her perspective the weekend went perfectly. At the airport, they both embraced more publicly than usual, and on the flight home, her mind began to consider the idea that they just had their first date.

Back in New York, she met with her financial planner to discuss what she needed to do to keep a roof over head. Kate felt she could still be useful at something, and her planner suggested leveraging her law enforcement background into something perhaps safer. Kate left considering her choices, and the ridiculous notion of becoming a loan shark enforcer popped into her head. She certainly had the requisite skill set, and not many debtors would expect a female as the enforcer. That fanciful idea was a pleasant diversion, but it did nothing for the third act of her career she needed very soon.

On the home front she had started a second round of vigorous exercise everyday to fill-up her lazy afternoons. Planks were not her favorite thing, and she decided this was an ideal time to force the love she had long resisted. With that goal in mind, she did long stints on the rower interspersed with timed planks twice a day, and the new efforts were slowly improving her regard for the rigid pose. The repeated heat, sweat, and fatigue were cherished bits of normalcy in a life that seemed outside her control. At the same time she had meandered down to the local combat club in the hopes of finding another familiar outlet for a body craving to hit something. After a couple of visits, her expertise and dedication around the heavy bag did not go unnoticed by some of the aspiring male fighters. One caustic remark let to another, and soon, she was in the ring dispensing modest amounts of discomfort on those foolish enough to try their luck.

That all changed when Thad appeared, watched, and finally challenging her to a match of their own. His first punch told her she was in for a bumpy ride. Both kissed the mat regularly, and her discomfort level rose up in a way she now missed. Unaware of her high tolerance for discomfort, he prematurely ended the match. She understood his natural hesitation and wasn't prepared to share why he was so wrong. Sitting in a coffee shop later, she learned that his expertise came from a stint as an Army Ranger who now worked for the LAPD. He was here for a vacation/job interview out in Islip with a home security service. He was staying in the city to feel if the big city vibe was going to be too east coast for him. She offered a few details about her career at the NYPD, and vaguely suggested she too was looking for a new work challenge. Before parting, she successfully lobbied for a full contact rematch after repeatedly offering fake assurances she would tap out if things grew too intense.

Unbeknownst to the combatants, the rematch had garnered some notoriety at the club. It was billed as male versus female thing, and that brought out the curious. After changing and donning appropriate gear, the actual fight was exactly what Kate wanted. By the third round, both were slinging blatantly effective shots at the other's crumbling defenses. The end came when Kate employed one of Carol's gambit moves that caught Thad unprepared. Later, sitting together nursing glasses of scotch, Thad was very complimentary of her skills. She deflected by saying, "I have had some extra training beyond anything the NYPD could offer." Needless to say, she offered nothing further.

Thad continued by saying, "The job was great, but the east coast vibe is not for me. I will let Alan Deacon at ALLSec know tomorrow. I was thinking you might be a good candidate? Are you interested or willing to meet him?" Kate offered to consider it, and numbers were exchanged.

Later that evening she was on a jet heading to Miami for a hookup with Jason. When the plane landed, she donned her usual outfit before taking the quick ride to the hotel. Once in the room, the heels and skirt were off, and Jason was pushing all the right buttons. It is a perfect start to a long weekend where she hoped to unpack some of her considerable baggage. In the morning hot coffee was by her bedside when she awoke, and Jason was standing next to her wearing just sweatpants with an obvious need.

After a very rough, but enjoyable time experiencing multiple releases, she began the download of her life. When she looked up, seventy nine minutes had elapsed as she explained the rather arduous trek of her life since her mother's death. It certainly was no fairy tale, and she thought it was a pretty objective telling if you forgot the whole LOKSAT thing. From her perspective, the rest of the weekend went great lounging by the pool, walking the beach, buying some skimpy outfits, answering his questions, and lots of great sex.

On Sunday afternoon after a quick stop in the restroom to redress, she breezed through security and was sitting in the boarding area with a large fresh coffee in the holder beside her. With more than an hour to kill, she called Thad and asked him to forward her name and contact information as they discussed. He was pleased by the news and wished her well before hanging up.

That decision made; she began to daydream about building a new life on Long Island not far from Castle's abode. Ah yes, Castle; she really wasn't stalking him. Well, maybe a little. It wasn't her fault he was a minor celebrity that the papers chose to write about. Apparently his second collection of short stories was no barn burner either, and a legal fight ensued with Black Pawn about the final book which he never delivered. Gina must have been pissed, and when the parties finally agreed to a settlement, Black Pawn was conspicuously silent about any future collaboration.

At the same time, the loft showed up on a high end real estate website with pictures. The main differences from what she remembered were the grown-up furniture and crib in Alexis's room. Yes, Castle had a grand daughter, and her name was Martha. Leave it to Alexis to land a blow where no wall had been built. When the loft sold, the papers suggested he decamped to his Hampton house as a year round minor celebrity always available for pictures at any charity function. The odd thing was that none of the pictures showed him in the company of any women. Castle had a huge sex drive as she well knew, and the absence left her wondering what was really going on.


	18. Chapter 18

The next morning back in New York Kate wakes with a lot on her plate. Her resume is certainly not up to date, and she has lost contact with people like Victoria Gates who might serve as a credible references. According to the papers, Gates had moved up the ladder at 1PP and now was in the top leadership circle.

She called and got an appointment for later that week and was pleasantly surprised when Victoria called her back to suggest a long catch-up lunch at a trendy restaurant instead. After the usual pleasantries, Kate broached the subject of her recent sudden unemployment and need to find a new career path. Gates was surprisingly supportive and totally unconcerned by what seemed like a bad ending at the agency. "These things happen all the time now; nothing lasts forever. I have been blessed; not many are." Gates happily offered to help in her job search and volunteered that the NYPD had hired more than a few former agency workers. "Most are in the cyber command, and I know they would like more?'

Kate replied, "Not my area of expertise; I would be better in the field."

Gates responded, "Lots of retirements are creating other opportunities that might be right up your alley?" The idea of reemployment at the NYPD had not occurred to her given how her sudden resignation caught everyone by surprise. The lunch ended on an upbeat note with news that Kevin and Javier were now lead detectives at different precincts while Lanie was working in DC waiting for her live-in to propose.

After a leisurely walk home, she started a rough draft of her resume and quickly realized she would need help for her last job. Luckily, the agency had given her a contact number for a person skilled at what they called 'after agency life'. Early the next morning, she called Lucie at the prescribed number and was greeted by a cheerful enthusiastic voice. After looking over her record, she suggested sending Kate the wording the agency wanted her to use. Calls for references were to go through a special number, and the caller should always ask for Ned. As she explained, "If you get an interview, keep to the script, and if they dig to deep, claim it is classified. That always stops them dead in their tracks as they are so thankful for your service that they overlook your reticence." Kate hung up thinking this job search might not be so bad after all.

The next day, bleary from looking at the ALLSec website and resume editing, she opted to head to the combat club. Her reception was not like usual. Her fight with Thad had raised her profile among the gym rats, and a few members openly taunted her for a match. She felt some discomfort might lift her mood and opted for a couple of rounds with one rather arrogant bystander. The largely one-sided affair only brought new notoriety that might violate her agency termination agreement. On her way home, she hatched a plan to scuttle that adulation very soon. By the end of the weekend with gallons of coffee consumed and the resume done, she strolled down to the combat club for her dive performance. She picked someone competent, put up some flourishes in the first round, and totally folded in the second. A small crowd swarmed the new winner, while she wandered back to the shower confident that a different result was easily within reach.

The call from Alan came the next week. From her perspective it went really well. Thad's recommendation carried some weight with him, and they focused on an overview of the job and her past work history. The job was to be part of the sales team to assess properties for security vulnerabilities and suggest solutions that involved products, installation, and monitoring services his company provided. Their territory was primarily the middle and eastern part of Long Island. Her time at the NYPD had given her a cop sense of what the bad guys often looked for, and that was exactly the kind of expertise he was looking for. When it came to her most recent employment, she was coy about the details suggesting that was better done in person. With mutual interest still growing, they agreed to swap paperwork and set up an in-person interview for the next Monday.

That morning, Alex met her at the train station for the five minute walk to the office. After the usual pleasantries were exchanged, he suggested a coffee stop on the way. Kate was thrilled, and entered a bland single level building in a strip mall happily sipping a hot refill. On a quick tour, she got a quick peak of the physical layout of the company including a huge warehouse with lots of company vehicles. During the interview, she met all the sales team and a few other department heads while learning more about the specifics she would be tasked with.

When time came for a discussion of her last job, she took her cues from Lucy to emphasize that her reconnaissance and surveillance skills were easily adaptable to the analysis of vulnerabilities of private households or businesses by simply reversing the perspective. Her old job was about finding access; here she was trying to prevent it. After a lunch, Alex took her for a visit to his own house that he assured her was fitted with latest and greatest gadgets for home security. After about an hour tour, he got into the car looking very smug until she pointed out three flaws he failed to consider. He was stunned by her cogent analysis, and on the train ride home, she was confident a job offer would be coming.

That night she blew off her usual gym routine and instead went solo to one of Castle's favorite Italian haunts. After finishing the last of the wine, she checked the weather for the following day and decided to hop on her bike, do the usual commute, explore Islip, and if time permitted, perhaps take a swing by Castle's gate out in the Hamptons. The commute was longer than she hoped, Islip was nicer than she imagined, and Rick's gate looked little changed from when her old NYPD badge number opened it.

The next day she left for Tampa. Once safely in the room, Jason dismissed any small talk and practically ripped her dress off for two immediate rounds. At dinner later, she downloaded all the events of the past week with a new found candor that surprised her. He listened patiently and seemed generally interested in her future plans. Later they walked back along the beach stopping to make out like a couple of teenagers. Near the hotel her shirt was basically unbuttoned when a rowdy passerby suggested they get a room and suddenly landed a punch to Jason's gut. Kate immediately slipped out of Jason's embrace and landed a huge wallop that sent the guy careening to the sand. Kate pounced on top of him, and Jason had to pull her off before her clenched fists made a bloody mess. As they walked away, Jason profusely thanked her and said, "Remind me to never have a real fight with you. That was amazing. Where did you learn to do that?." She chose to ignore his queries and change the subject by bringing her lips to his in a tight embrace. It worked. In fact the whole weekend worked.

The call came the next day during her lengthy plank routine. She was happy for the interruption and returned to the rigid pose even happier. Lots of sweat was in her immediate future, and this afternoon, she would go to the combat club and hit some people.


	19. Chapter 19

The job started the following week, and she opted for the train because it was just easier. On the short walk from the train, she hit the coffee shop and spent the rest of the morning doing paperwork. Her mentor for the first three weeks was the sales team leader. The first week was spent totally indoors getting familiar with the products. During the second week, she was told to dress for outdoor work because she would be assisting with installs. The third week she went out on sales calls. Every afternoon, she was ushered into the conference room for a check on what she was comprehending and any questions she might have.

As a reward for completing her first three weeks, she had invited Jason to stay in her apartment in New York for the first time. She got home a bit early that Friday, primped into the Jason protocol, and was at the arrival exit with about thirty minutes to spare. In the cab on their way to her apartment, she had a list of ten ideas for things he might like to do over the new two days. After the nickel tour of her apartment, two rounds of very enjoyable sex quickly ensued. Dinner out was next on the agenda. The place she picked was quiet and romantic, and it did not disappoint. On the way back, she pointed out her old precinct and the historic Old Haunt. Jason wanted a peak inside, and Brian almost lost it when he saw her at the bar.

The next morning, when Jason awoke she was AWOL, and he got up to investigate. After pouring a cup of freshly brewed coffee, he found her in the gym rowing in just an oversized shirt. Caught admiring the view, he asked, "What is your standard routine with all this equipment."

"Long rows with a variety of targeted stuff thrown in for good measure. It maintains stamina and strength in all the important areas. You should try it?" At that moment, Jason was more interested in horizontal exercise, and she was not complaining. The rest of the weekend was taken up with sightseeing and lots of sex all over her apartment. That Sunday night she was pleasantly sated and opted for an early night.

The next morning she went on her first sales call as an official part of the team and was surprised by the deference customers gave her because of her law enforcement background. While the sales agent gave her spiel, Beckett excused herself for a self guided tour of the property taking lots of picture for recommendations to come later. For the next couple days she worked pretty much solo building her report and recommendations. They were presented Friday to the sales agent and Alan. Both were very pleased with the report. Kate went home that weekend very pleased with herself for transforming into something still protecting the innocent though in a less direct way.

About a month later, her busy work routine was interrupted when Alan told her he had received a call from Richard Castle regarding an assessment of his place. He specifically wanted her on the visit. He must have seen her name on the website. Alan, knowing a bit of their public history, had tried to offer an alternative, but he was adamant. Kate replied, "Typical Castle, I'm fine with seeing him. I am far from the same person I was when we were together. Do I call him or what?" This spontaneous lack of concern surprised Alan. The sales call was arranged for the following Thursday morning, and surprisingly, the gate code still exactly matched her old NYPD badge number. Upon arrival, the note on the door said he was on the back patio waiting. Opening the slider, she said, "Hey Castle. Surprised you called and asked for me. Did you hope to intimidate me or something? You should know better than that."

"Hello to you too, Kate! No, I just wanted a second chance at seeing you after our last surprise encounter. I didn't handle that well and thought I could do better. If you want coffee, go pour it. I don't make it up for exes." She went in, poured herself a full mug, and noticed the sugar free vanilla bottle placed within easy reach. Well, maybe he didn't hate her completely.

Back of the patio seated across from him, he started to drone on about Alexis, her husband, and little Martha coming here regularly, and he wanted nothing unpleasant to mar their visits. She, on the other hand, daydreamed about coming dressed Jason style. Castle would surely notice, and it would highlight just how much she had changed. Abruptly emerging from that whimsy, she interjected, "Well, the first thing you could do, is change the damn gate code. You have to move on Castle."

"Well, isn't that really the pot calling the kettle black, Beckett? Didn't you not move on through college, the NYPD, the A/G office, and all of our marriage about your mother's case. I'm just a neophyte in the moving on department compared to you."

Kate donned her best agency poker face as she considered his retort, Had Castle finally grown a pair calling out her shit? God, she wanted to replace that faint smirk with a fat lip or a smarting gut. After an awkward silence, he inquired about next steps, and she informed him she needed to do a solo tour that would take a while. He gave her free reign of the place and would be right there when she returned. She left with a sense of trepidation that she had been played by the one man she loved and lost. Her usual smugness about experiencing impending discomfort was not working like usual.

Her tour of the house and grounds took way longer than she thought. His bedroom now contained a smaller bed than they shared, and there was just one picture of youngish woman she did not recognize. Probably one of many, she thought. On the second floor, Martha's room had been refurnished for a little girl, and Alexis's old room was done over to accommodate the man in her life.

The meandering tour also afforded her an opportunity to consider what this meeting might also be about. First impression was that Castle was in a combative mood with something to get off his chest. Yes, he had every right to be mad at her, but she had moved on to a contented life focused on career with no time for personal drama. Her breakup with Castle had led her to rebuild her emotional walls, and her Island experience hardened her body in much the same way. Stripped of its lofty purposes, her recent work had made her nothing more than expert muscle in a world where there were few legitimate takers for such services. Like anyone else facing a career reversal, she was just adapting her skill set to fill a market need. Millions had preceded her, and there was nothing shameful about it.

When she reentered the patio, Castle had prepared a small lunch much to her surprise. Her first inclination was to beg off, but her new agent persona would not shrink from whatever confrontation Castle had in mind. If he was going down that dark road, she would make a preemptive strike to signal her unwillingness to play the villain. She knew Castle was most vulnerable in his fraught relationship with women, so why not dig there first? " Castle, I had a good look around. No sign of bimbos. What gives? You, a monk or something?"

"Well, there is somebody, but she shuns the spotlight much like you did. She was part of the landscaping crew I used to have. Took courses at community college here, left for LA to spread her wings, had a son, and decided this was the place to raise him. Started her own business, and now I am one of her few clients. She knows about the number you did on me and offered a one line caveat to something I told you when the spark of our relationship was just smoldering. You may remember it. The heart wants what the heart wants. Well, she added a caveat that explains our root problem better than any explanation I paid for. Without trust, it's all just a bust."

"Like the rhyme, Castle. Not sure about the rest."

"You never were an early adopter, Beckett. You need to chew on things for a while like us being a couple. When you decided we could try, you held back on complete trust because your mother's murder was still the most important thing in your life. The only time you were fully invested in us was when you thought Bracken was the end of it. When he wasn't, our always never stood a chance. You launched into your vendetta, and somehow you and my father conspired to put an end to LOKSAT. You tried to lie about it, but I caught you. Then, in the course of your little diversion with my dad, you got a taste of his world and found it very much to your liking. The hunt and vanquishing bad guys are like catnip for you. Looks like that didn't work out, and here you are selling security systems to folks like me."

"That's just your opinion, Castle. You don't know me anymore or have any idea what good I might have done."

"If it was all good, you would still be doing it, and its not just my opinion. Your dad felt the same way as we tried to fathom what the hell happened. He went to his grave sick at heart for the life you chose. In the end he saw Johanna's quest for justice as a selfish obsession he should have confronted. You and she were cut from the same cloth. I kick myself for not calling you out as well. We both failed and bonded over the wreckage you both left us with." Castle's words about her father were unexpected and deeply disconcerting. Why had her dad shared this bombshell with Castle and not her?

The rest of lunch was a hasty affair of reporting on her initial tour findings and not much else. In the office later that afternoon, she told Alan she would compile her report, but that was it for meetings with Castle. He sensed that whatever transpired knocked her off her game. That weekend she begged off calls with Jason suggesting that they needed a break. He accepted her request without any semblance of a fight, and she knew whatever they had was done for.

On Saturday, she went to the combat club and declined every match invitation from the usual suspects. Instead, she wrecked havoc on the heavy bag with fists, knees, elbows, and feet in a sustained demonstration of ferocity that drew unusual attention. Yes, Castle had definitely been right about one thing. She was a chewer, and his disturbing words were grinding way more than she would have liked.

Originally she had accepted loosing Castle as the price she must pay for finally righting the scales for her mother's egregious murder. But the revelations about her dad's unflattering view of Johanna was an insight she was unprepared for. Her work for justice for the little guy went unquestioned all through their family life. Long work hours and missed family events were the sacrifice they made for the greater good she was supposedly doing. But was that presumption still valid in the wider context of how her family ended up? Had Johanna's sanctimonious efforts morphed into just a selfish obsession? Was Kate just as blindly selfish with Castle and Alexis when LOKSAT appeared? Had her obsession for revenge been any different than her mothers for justice?

Within a few months, Kate had given her notice to Alan; sales just were not her thing. Back in New York, she opted to live off her divorce settlement, while she considered next steps. That lead to regular visits to the NYPD website, and when a job as a combat instructor at the academy came up, she decided a call to Gates was in order. The call went well, her application got to the top of the pile, and three quick submissions of her prospective co-workers showcased her expertise.


	20. Chapter 20

While waiting for the wheels of the NYPD to process her employment paperwork, she got a call from a very unexpected source. Carol, of all people, wanted a meeting the next day. By the sound of her very authoritative voice, it was not something she could refuse. Once at the site, she was ushered into a drab tiny room with just a table and a few chairs. Carol came in a few minutes later and while drowning on about the weather, pulled out a scanning device that lit up on the table in front of her.

Once the device vetted the room, Carol cut the small talk by saying, "Your Sonora adventure is the op that just keeps giving. That bitch you interrogated has a real burr up her ass about you. She has gotten some advance combat training and is now a contract enforcer for the cartels. Her name is Alma Vasquez, and she has built a nice little niche business as the cartels outsource their need for brutality. Along the way, she has told anyone who will listen that there is a substantial reward for finding you. Right now she doesn't have your name, but is working with a good composite sketch. We have done a preliminary review and deem this a credible threat to both you and us. Our job is to dissuade her."

Kate asked, "Why do you need me on this little caper?"

"We think your presence is needed to smoke her out. She is not someone you find in the phone book."

Kate responded, "What does dissuade mean in this context?"

"Stop her by whatever means necessary."

"So offing her is explicitly on the table.? I am done with some pious cubicle monkey second guessing what we do in the field."

"I can get clear assurances. Our current background says she is somewhere in Sonora Mexico. If you agree, we will fly to Arizona and setup a command center at the nearby Army base. Then, the surveillance geeks can do their thing. In the mean time, you and I can get reacquainted on the mat to make sure you are mission ready. Can't have you rusty out there if things go sideways."

"If I join you, we go as equals. You trained me, but my days of following your commands are over. If we fight, you will get a full taste of the brutality you instilled in me."

Carol was surprised by the clear hostility in Kate's response. After a brief pause, Carol slid a folder over to Kate's side of the table and said, "This is the dossier we have on her so far. She is a formidable hunter. She is not someone you want to meet on her terms. Read it over, while I make a call."

Kate wasn't surprised by what she read. The file was a damning indictment of a ruthless enforcer who set her sights on her probably as payback for their brief unpleasant time together. The decision before her was to live a life of constant vigilance or confront the threat now. Before her time as an agent, she would have seen confrontation as the least desirable option. Now though, her combat prowess scoffed at any thought of doing nothing. Six days later, Kate met Carol at the same private airport she had returned to after her time on the Island. The flight down was uneventful, and the spartan accommodations left them in closer company than either would have liked. Every morning they met with the surveillance geeks to go over any new information from the previous day and collectively review the growing strike board they were amassing on Alma and her cohorts.

The day after arriving, Carol pointed out both the fight and exercise facility which were open 24/7. For Kate the exercise facility was a godsend because she wanted no part of casual downtime with Carol. Her last totally unprovoked punch on the Island had forged the final link of a visceral dislike. As a trainer, Carol was aloof, and she reveled in dispensing brutality. Kate never understood that mindset and used frequent long solitary exercise routines to keep Carol at bay.

When Carol brought up going to the fight facility, Kate was ready with her demands. "If that happens, each contest will be full contact, and there will be no breaks until one of us taps out." Now for caveat that would make it all worthwhile. "That night, the winner gets to command the looser in the exercise facility just like back on the Island." Carol was unsettled by the prize aspect Kate demanded. Kate's visceral dislike of Carol fueled many lopsided fights with Carol. Kate's relentless attack seemed fanatical. The inevitable end was a function of Kate's relentless pummeling versus Carol's determination to avoid another evening of strenuous exertion peppered with relentless criticism of her form or speed. Carol could not help but notice how much Kate relished being the dominant player in this awkward partnership.

After a week of searching, the surveillance geeks found a snitch willing to provide a covert communications channel. After some discussion the message Kate wrote was both concise and confrontational. "Heard you want a piece of me. OK, tell me when and where. You and me and a second - no one else. Waiting on you, bitch!" Carol and the geeks felt the tone was too provocative, but Kate's confidence won the day. The almost immediate acceptance set the time and date for that night in an abandoned storefront dirt parking lot. That afternoon the geeks reported that the site was under surveillance and they could insure that no third parties would go unnoticed.

At the decision meeting, Carol was the only one to raise objections. Out voted, Carol put drafted the acceptance message. Kate and Carol spent the remainder of the day discussing logistics. Kate would wear an outfit similar to the one that she wore on the island with one big addition. That add was a slim set of brass knuckles for her right hand. Carol would choose an armored jacket concealing a wire to the geeks and a small but effective sidearm. If the confrontation went sideways, Kate would cough, and Carol would immediately end her counterpart. A stunned Alma would freeze just long enough for Kate to slip on the extra metal and land a strong punch across Alma's check and nose doing horrendous damage in it's wake. The shock would then allow Kate to then throw the final death punch.

They arrived at the desolate site in a pickup and immediately saw a second set of headlights winding way though the murky dusk. Carol shifted the truck into park and the other vehicle put itself about twenty feet in front headlights to headlights. Kate looked at the two occupants in the opposite vehicle and said, "Cut the engine. It's showtime." Carol killed the ignition as Kate and Alma both descended from their respective vehicle to face each other.

Alma opened things off by saying, "I dreamed of this day, and now it is finally here. You and me to the finish. Only this time it will not be as lopsided."

Kate asks,"Why do you want this so bad, bitch?"

"Because you probably were too busy that night with beating the crap out of me to notice that your rescuers obliterated everyone topside when they arrived. Even a ten-year-old innocent that offered no threat. That civilian was my brother, and I am going to even the score tonight." That bit of ominous news brought both Carol and her counterpart out of their trucks to stand near their partner. Kate gave Carol a forlorn look silently acknowledging that their worst case scenario was no longer a fall-back position.

Alma almost immediately stepped out of her worn sandals and unzipped her jump suit to reveal a muscled physique. Kate sloughed off her trainers, and for the first five minutes, both employed fists, knees, elbows, and feet tentatively exploring the defenses of the other. Preliminaries done; both went on the facial attack. Alma struck first with two connecting jabs that disfigured Kate's cheek, while Kate countered with a flurry of shots that left thin rivulets of blood pouring towards Alma's jaw. At this point a steady brawl ensued where no part of the face, chest, abs, or feet was immune from absorbing painful blows. So far, no combination of shots had significantly slowed this ongoing display of savagery. Both had open facial bleeds as copious amounts of blood transferred to fists, arms, shirts, and feet.

The beginning of the end came later than Carol would have liked. Kate finally coughed, and Carol took her shot. In that instant, Alma was indeed stunned, and Kate donned the bracelet, made a fist, and executed a powerful strike directly into Alma's unguarded cheek and nose. The impact deformed Alma's face into a tide of red. Her second punch to the windpipe saw Alma fall lifelessly to the ground. Carol immediately documented the horrible disfigured corpses and ushered Kate into the truck for a hasty retreat.

When they arrived back at the military base, Kate discarded her bloody clothing, showered, and tried to sleep while the op kept replaying in her head. By morning, she was feeling a nostalgic sense of purpose and accomplishment. Both would be sorely missed at the academy. A few days later, she was surprised to find Rita on her sofa as she came back from her morning coffee run. Obviously briefed on her recent assignment, Rita wasted no time revealing the purpose of her visit, and said, "Carol gave us a glowing report on your Sonora Op and was particularly complimentary of your willingness to finish the mark off with extreme brutality."

Kate responded, "That's different. Didn't think any of my handy-work ever mattered to anyone, but the guy I tuned up."

"That viciousness is in short supply particularly given our new mandate. Leadership wants the agency to transform. No more sitting back and monitoring the chatter. State actors are increasingly not the problem. Entities like cartels, gangs and organized crime now come together for all sorts of nefarious purposes. The more ruthless they are; the more power they have. We need to show them we still are the big dog. The plan is to wack the head before they have the wealth to even consider anything here. It is a sea change, and we need a small cadre of people capable of delivering that message by doing some very heinous acts. They are planning a special training camp at the Island for the new unit. The powers-that-be think you might fit the bill."

Rita paused long enough to let the offer sink in and continued, "Without Castle, Kate, what's next? I read your file and can't believe what you gave up. Castle, by all accounts, was the real deal, and yet, you chose a darker path."

"My mother's murder defined me for so long that I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to get the guy especially given the plan Jackson handed me. I never appreciated how it could break us. Castle always came back. I have come to realize that putting him second was the defining moment of my life. Deep down, I am not a happily-ever-after kind of girl. I am too drawn to the battle. Shrinks tried to change me. They don't get that the world has dark places where people like me need to go."

"When Castle left, I simply reverted to the familiar. I rebuilt my emotional walls just like after my mother died. Taking your job was a natural progression. The NYPD trained me to be an excellent hunter, and your training added new kinds of emotional walls to keep out what you call discomfort. I am really good at building walls. No mark ever broke through that edifice. That's why I was such a good agent regardless of what my file says."

Rita nodded silently rattled by Kate's candor and replied, "I know you have an cushy job all lined up at the NYPD. Is that what you really want? Are you going to settle for being on the sidelines or are you going to commit to the fight? You know Jackson was the first to recognize your true nature. Although he wanted you and Castle to work, he always thought you might bail for the chase. I think he recognized a kindred spirit in you. Few people have that dedication and ruthlessness."

A week later she was on a plane with seven other women headed to the Island after reneging on the academy offer at the last minute. In the end she had opted for the familiar surroundings of the rabbit hole. It was not brave; it was not smart. It was a punt as the total dedication she must now muster would preclude any serious reckoning with the shambles of her personal life. Her upbringing tilted her towards justice and her profession made her an excellent hunter. This job was a combination of both, and the routine acts of gruesome violence she would inflict were just another day at the office. With Castle and her father no longer pulling her away, she finally accepted that Hunt, of all people, understood her best. She made her choice and looked forward to the challenge of adjusting to the oppressive sun, heat, and humidity that she knew awaited her.


End file.
